Smallville

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Tippi Blevins: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Red-Blue Blah

Just when Clark thinks things can't get worse, the water streaming out of a nearby downspout morphs into Linda Lake, as played by Tori Spelling. She says that Clark can save the city, "But when it comes to the ladies, the Red-blue Blur still drives with the brakes on." What do cars have to do with anything? All the rest of the terrible quips in the episode have to do with water. Maybe when she was plotting out this reunion, she imagined he would be in a car and she didn't feel like changing things. Also, she can apparently morph clothes out of water, too, because she's got a nice blue trench coat on. Clark points out she's a murderer and should be in prison, but she says she's been cleared of the charges. "Besides, there's no prison sentence worse than where I've been, circling the drain of obscurity." Ugh. She's nobody now: "Two years living underground dried up my prophetic pen, but I'm ready to make another splash." Again: Ugh. She wants to be the voice of the Red-blue Blur, and she says all of this so very slowly, like she's breaking in some new lips (possible) or speaking to a dimwit (also possible). She shows him the story she wrote that morning, titled "The Truth About Clark Kent." Sounds boring -- you might want to think about jazzing it up a little. She wants the scoop on all the saves Clark makes or she'll out him as "Little Orphan Alien." Clark momentarily panics because he thinks she means she'll expose his fetish for musicals featuring curly-haired orphans and older bald men, then he realizes what's actually going on. He threatens to stop her, and grabs at her, but she morphs back into water and flows down the gutter. He stares after her, worriedly. Somebody save him! I'm going for a cider.

Kent farm. It's nice and sunny. Chloe walks into the barn wearing a greenish peacoat and some jeans, calling out for Clark. She sees him standing at the top of the stairs and goes up to meet him. She asks if she can borrow some DVDs. Jimmy's being transferred to "MetGen" (after being mauled by Doomsday a few weeks ago) and Chloe doesn't think he's "into a chick flick." Show him horror movies about monsters! Clark doesn't reply, prompting Chloe to ask if he's OK. He tells her Linda Lake is back. Chloe is surprised enough to deliver her own terrible quip: "I thought that water snake slithered back into her swamp." Clark says if he doesn't give Linda the exclusive on his saves, she'll expose him: His name, his face, his... everything. Exposing his everything sounds hot; Linda should put something about that in her title. Chloe figures, "Well, the H2O has obviously gone to her head." They need to find a way to kill the story but Clark says Linda has a back-up plan. She does? I just recapped that whole scene and I don't remember any back-up plan. Nothing like, "If I disappear or get locked up again, an old friend will send a copy of this story to the news." Clark seems to think she has a plan, anyway. He says even if they stop her, she's going to release his identity. They're trying to make it sound like Clark is backed into a corner but I'm not feeling it. Who would believe anything Linda Lake said?

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Smallville

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