Smallville

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Hospital bed, Metropolis General. Jimmy is the patient. Clark is standing there, arms crossed, waiting for the jerk to wake up. He finally does. Jimmy says his chest feels like it was run over by a truck and he was dragged behind it. Clark says he'll be fine, but he needs to know what happened at the club. Jimmy says it must have been all those tequila shots. "I know that you were with a woman," Clark says. If it had been a man, would that make you sound less accusatory? Jimmy bravely says it wasn't his fault. Except for the drinking. Jimmy says it started with the letter from Chloe. Jimmy says it made him realize a person never really gets over their first true love. Clark's eyes move around as he fantasizes about boring, lame Lana. Jimmy asks if it's ever the same when you have to start over with someone new. Clark has no idea what they're talking about. He just says they have to move on. Clark tells Jimmy that Chloe must have moved on to be with him and that they're lucky to have each other. Tell that to Jimmy's chest. Jimmy tells "C.K." that he kissed another woman. Clark absolves him by saying Jimmy didn't know what he was doing. But he wants to find the woman so she won't hurt anyone else. Jimmy doesn't remember much. Chloe suddenly comes in, asking what happened and hugging her man. Jimmy looks to Clark for help. Clark explains that Jimmy was at the club and that things got messy. With his tongue, you mean? Clark says rigidly that it's just important that they're both together now. Chloe hugs Jimmy again. Jimmy looks guilty as Hell. Clark leaves the room, looking both lonely and annoyed as he goes.

Daily Planet. Clark is watching security camera footage from the Ace of Clubs. The show doesn't explain how he got it. It just assumes he's the greatest reporter who ever lived. Clark is able to zoom in on the ultra-high-resolution security footage to find a clear image of Slutty Alien. Clark keeps clicking his mouse, trying to get a clear shot of the girl's face. Just then, the lights flicker. Why is Clark completely alone in the newsroom? Everything is suddenly dark. Clark gets up from his desk and looks around. We hear a familiar whoosh. It's Slutty Alien. "Clark Kent," she says. She's standing there in Oliver's dress. "That's a strong name," she says, "I like it." Yeah, but you also liked Jimmy Olsen, so your taste is questionable. "Who are you?" Clark asks. She whooshes and ends up behind Clark. "I'm Maxima," she says. But you can call me Ima. She says she's searched a long time for Clark. Before he can argue, she quickly kisses him. Clark, surprised, quickly adjusts. They start making out on the desk. Clark pushes her away slightly, but he's got a big grin on his face. I think our boy is finally growing up. He clears off a nearby desk and mounts her. Lots more kissing. "Not here," she says. You're in an abandoned newsroom with all the lights off and suddenly you're modest? We cut to a shot of Slutty Alien pushing Clark into one of the building's elevators. She tears open Clark's shirt and rubs his hairless torso. Kisses. Clark pulls up her leg by the thigh. Spinning. Kissing. Clark pushes her wrists against the wall and we see her Wonder Bracelet. He kisses her neck. She wraps an ankle around Clark's leg and continues taking off his shirt. They keep pushing each other against the wall. Wouldn't their combined strength take out the elevator, at least? The elevator stops and the doors open. Lois Lane is standing there. Her eyes blink rapidly. "Smallville!" she says. Clark squints at her. "Lois?" he asks. Maxima notices the look between Clark and Lois and doesn't like it one bit. Lois, in a huff, says she'll take the stairs. Clark keeps looking after her. Slutty Alien pulls Clark's face toward her and tells him to let Lois go. She tries to kiss him again, but Clark pulls his head back. He follows Lois. He calls after her until she finally stops. "What?" she says. Clark is standing there with his shirt open. Very amusing. Lois apologizes for raining on Clark's orgy. Clark turns. Slutty Alien is gone. Lois thinks she went to find a motel room. "You don't understand!" Clark says. Lois, angrily, says Clark was pulling a 9 ½ Weeks in the elevator and that it's a start for getting into the Mile High Club. Clark tells her to calm down. "I am calm! I am PERFECTLY CALM!" she yells. She tells Clark to dial down the ego and that she doesn't care about his love life. Oh, show. Clark watches her go. He's sad. But not too sad to go looking for Slutty Alien.

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Smallville

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