In the next scene, it's the same office by day, but stuff is strewn everywhere. It's a mess! Alexander Graham Luthor, you clean up your room this instant! While frenzied rock music plays loudly, Lex is throwing books off shelves, dumping what looks like a wide gold urn (Uncle Jonas, no!), and clawing through some expensive artwork with a crowbar. He's wearing the same shirt he had on last night, so he either hasn't slept or is keeping a very consistent wardrobe. Clark walks in on this, looking confused. But all is clear when he sees Lex. Everything is always clear when Clark just looks into Lex's eyes. Mmmm... "Lex, what's going on?" Clark asks. Lex, his tongue hanging out, gives Clark the quiet finger and goes over to the stereo. Finally, Lex is having a Pavlovian reaction to the sight of Clark. Lex moves his hand toward one of those neat vertical-standing executive CD players that you see at The Sharper Image. Its glass doors open when Lex's finger goes toward it. He turns up the volume. "Big Brother is listening," Lex says over the music, "or should I say 'Big Daddy.'" The idea of Papa Luthor being called "Daddy" just strikes me as funny. Between this and next week's "Who Shot Lionel?" episode, this show is becoming more like Dallas all the time. Lex shows off some bugs he's found in the room. There are about four or five tiny gadget-looking bits that could have been made by the props department from paper clips and bits of Transformers toys. Lex says they're state-of-the-art. Yes, Hasbro toys usually are. Lex says he'll have to bring in experts to "sweep" the rest of the mansion. Clark asks if Lex is sure his dad did it. Lex says vehemently that he was underbid on a $150 million contract. "You do the math," Lex says. Damn. That's a sore spot with Clark. Clark tells Lex to calm down. "Don't tell me to calm down, Clark!" Lex says before Clark finishes his sentence. Clark looks like he's been spanked. And not in the good way. Lex, calming down, asks how Clark would feel if someone was listening in on his every private moment. Lex gets back to tearing the place apart while Clark has a look-see around the room. He does a cross-eyed squint at the CD player. We don't see the X-Ray vision or anything, just Clark making that face. Clark goes to Lex and says the devices could be anywhere -- the sofa cushions, the heating vents...Lex says he checked those. "What about your stereo?" Clark asks. Oh, you're good, Supermope. Very good. Lex and Clark exchange a look, but Lex keeps it a little longer, pausing to linger on Clark's ups and downs. It is, even this early, already the Gayest Look of the Episode! Lex goes to the stereo and leans in. We get a reverse shot of Lex looking at the stereo, fish-eye-lensed. In slow motion, Lex whips back with his artwork-cutting tool and slams it into the stereo. We cut back and forth from the Lex view and the stereo view and when it smashes, we see static. Cue opening credits.
A picture of Bo Duke, MamaKent, and a tow-headed boy that we can guess is Clark Kent as a child. We pan into to the Kent Kitchen, where Bo Duke is carrying a plate of food as he walks by his supa' dupa' alien son. Clark asks if Bo wants that food extra-crispy. Bo holds up the plate and says no thanks: he says he's cooked the bird (it's fried chicken) to a "golden brown perfection." Like Beyoncé? Oh man, I need to stop making myself go off-track like that or I'll be here all night. Bo says it's just the way MamaKent likes it. Passing over a sealed bowl of salad and some other Tupperwared food, Clark asks why Bo and MamaKent aren't going to Metropolis for their anniversary. Bo, filling up a picnic basket, reminds the boy that the last time they had an anniversary out of town, "a certain somebody" had a party at their house. Continuity! How it shines like a lovely star. Clark says he thinks a picnic sounds perfect. MamaKent comes down the stairs in her nice brown business suit and orange shirt, and says heavily that she can't go. Bo asks what she means. She says that Papa Luthor is finalizing a major acquisition and needs her help. When she says his name, "Lionel," she draws it out prettily. She says she needs to go to the Metropolis office to prepare. Clark asks if she told Papa Luthor it was her anniversary. She doesn't answer. She says she'll be back the next night and they can celebrate then, at any restaurant Bo wants. Yeah, they can go to "The Cattle Wagon," "Podunk Subs," or The Talon. Mmmm Cattle Wagon... MamaKent pats Bo on the chest with her flat palm, but Bo is just bitter. "Are you gonna put that on your LuthorCorp expense account?" he asks. Now who's been crisped to perfection? MamaKent says he can't make her feel any worse than she already does. She says that Papa Luthor is her boss and she doesn't have a choice. "I'm your husband," Bo says. MamaKent looks at him with her mouth open. She says she'd rather spend the day with him, but the job is important to her. Bo, who needs a shave, says he never thought he'd see the day when the job was more important to MamaKent than the family. Low blow, Bo. Clark interrupts and says she shouldn't be working for Papa Luthor anyway since he stole the acquisition from Lex. Love! Bo tells Clark to shut it. MamaKent asks how many times Bo's put the farm (and those cows! Those sexy, awful cows!) in front of their personal lives. Bo says that's different. A whole bovine world of different. "Why?" MamaKent asks. "I'm working toward the same goal -- our family's financial security." She says she wishes the job didn't bother Bo so much. She gives Bo and Clark a staredown. Then she leaves. Bo and Clark get to stand there and emote their frustration. At least they've got fresh chicken.
House of Lexin'. Papa Luthor, though blind, still does a fair job bursting through opening doors. He pops through Lex's office doors in a purple tie and asks Lex what's so urgent. Lex, who is up overhead on a second level, asks Papa Luthor if he remembers the American Embassy in Moscow. Did they go together or something? Lex says it was so riddled with surveillance devices, the State Department had to abandon it. Smallville: ripped from the headlines! Papa Luthor says he has a meeting. He ain't got time for this crap. He says he doesn't have time to talk about foreign affairs. Lex says the topic is domestic. Mmmm, beer. Lex says he's discovered a bug problem in his home. Papa Luthor chuckles and says that corporate espionage is a fact of modern life. He says he's surprised Lex's security is so lax. Lex says he can't imagine how someone got access to the mansion. Are you kidding me? People come and go from the mansion, like, every week. Lex has been kidnapped from his own home! People have been shot! I thought you got free admission to Lex's mansion with every cappuccino purchase at The Talon! Papa Luthor smells the air around him. "Do I detect a faint whiff of innuendo?" he purrs. Hee. "Of course not, Dad," Lex says. "I just wanted to congratulate you on winning that contract." Papa Luthor asks if Lex is making an excuse for his defeat. Lex's mouth twitches. Papa Luthor says he doesn't have time for excuses. And I haven't got time for the pain. Excuse me while I self-medicate...ah, much better. At the door on his way out, Papa Luthor suggests that Lex call an exterminator. Lex lets a little smile escape his lips. Yep, even when you've been screwed, at least you can say you've been screwed by one magnificent bastard. After Papa Luthor leaves, Lex's cell phone rings. He picks it up and attaches a silver device to its bottom. He answers, "This is Mr. Green." The man on the other line is a handsome Asian dude. He says they're ready to close escrow. The man is standing on a city street outside a blue van with a sign that says, "Metropolis Janitorial Services." Lex asks how soon they can complete the transaction. "Today," Janitorminator says. He says they're on site and ready to go and can get Lex full audio and video. He asks if they have Lex's authorization. "Mr. Green" picks up a bug off the table and says, "Do it." Janitorminator and some Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14Next