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Tippi Blevins: C+ | Grade It Now!
Raiders of the Lost Heart

Museum. Isis has found the sarcophagus. It's a little dark, so she raises her arms and magically sets four braziers ablaze. "At last, my love, we shall be together." She moves in a way that I reckon is supposed to be stately and graceful but looks sort of like very slow interpretive dance. She waves her hand over the sarcophagus and the lid flies off. She drops to her knees when she sees it's full of mulch or stuffing or whatever it is. It's apparently not just the disintegrated remains of Osiris, as I thought on the first viewing. She sobs. Clark zips into the scene behind her. "You can't bring him back," he says. "It's over." Her chin trembles. "It cannot be over," she says. "It is... eternal!" So Osiris isn't in there, but couldn't she just go find him again? She must realize there are only 17 minutes left in the episode. Clark tells her, gently, that she can't risk Hell on Earth for love. She thinks he must not know love. He says he loves the woman she took over. Isis scoffs. "You would not risk the world for her?" He thinks it would be selfish. Isis drones on for a while about her millennia-old love for Osiris. How can Clark understand? "What you know of these things is but the wisdom of a child!" she says. Man, and Lois thought she sounded like a bad soap opera before. More droning. Lots of suffering. Pain. Cutting up bodies and so forth. She'll do anything to be with Osiris again. "Your memory will have to be enough," Clark says. A sneaky look comes over her face as Isis gets an idea. She knows Clark has been holding back from Lois. "If you will not risk your heart completely, then I will," she says, placing her hand on Clark's chest. She hurls him backward. Glowing ropes rise from the sarcophagus and tie Clark down. Clark struggles to no avail. He tries to make her understand she can't sacrifice two lives. Dude, she was ready to unleash Hell on the whole Earth. What does she care about your two piddling lives? She snakes another magic rope around his neck to shut him up.

Meanwhile, Cat is skulking around the museum, narrating her experience into a voice recorder. Her hair is so cute! Too bad she's so damned annoying. She spies Isis in the beginning stages of her ritual. Conveniently, some statues partially block her view so she doesn't see Clark. "As once you lived, Osiris, so shall you live again," Isis intones. "Through the Ritual of Life, I shall restore your heart and claim your body for your soul." What awkward phrasing. Cat raises her camera to take a few pictures, whispering, "I will never understand liberals." Isis recites some more recitations then digs into the canopic jar and pulls out a heart that has been wizened to beef jerky. "Pulse with blood that once was spilt," she says, holding it over Clark's chest. "Beat again with love and life!" The jerky turns fleshy pink and starts beating again. Terrible dialog really turns Osiris on. Isis reaches for a dagger (it's labeled as being the property of Teth-Adam of Kahndaq, in case you were wondering) and gets ready to carve Clark up like a Halloween pumpkin. She raises the dagger. Cat stumbles back in shock, knocking over a statue. With Isis distracted, the heart returns to its beef jerky state.

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