Clark goes back on the field for a last play. "Blue 32!" Clark calls. He blew who? Clark glances over at the stadium underworld with its knives and treachery. He does his X-ray vision and sees one skeleton threatening another skeleton with a knife. Go Chloe skeleton! Clark hikes as the clock starts up at four seconds. Clark tosses a long pass. Everything goes to slow motion as MamaKent and Bo, then Jason and Coach Quigley, watch the ball sail. A guy on defense dives at Clark. Clark is like, "See ya!" and everything goes to real slow motion. As everything is in freeze-frame bullet time, Clark zips the hell out of there as fast as he can. He zips past the field. Past all the janitors in the hallway. He even has time to take off his helmet. He rushes in, tosses Mxyz and his knife aside in one fluid motion, breaks apart Chloe's handcuffs (she's been handcuffed), and then runs the hell back out of there before anyone's the wiser. Sweet! Can I do that with my recap? Wait, I guess I do. In between sentences, I've been watching Desperate Housewives, recording some anime voice tracks, and going to the circus. Woo, me and my superpowers! Clark comes back just in time to get the shit tackled out of him. We cut to Mxyz being thrown into some shelves and Chloe suddenly being freed. Yay! Then back to the field where the receiver, in real-time-slow-motion, catches the ball in the end zone. Touchdown! Yay! Chloe is looking at her handcuffs in wonder. Back on the field, Clark is being congratulated. Everyone, all hundred extras, rush the field. Clark is lifted up on shoulders as his parents beam. Yep. We is the champions, people.

Commercials. "Can you hear me now?" guy. Not so much a champion. Oh, and Old Spice: Red Zone. Did we mention we sponsored the show this week? No? Well, we did, jackasses. You bettah re'kanize.

Kent home at night. Bo is preparing to take a little pussy tray of honey and creamers presumably to bed. Either that's very fattening and bad for his heart, or it's very good for his sex life. Clark walks in. Bo teases his champion son for breaking curfew. Clark isn't gonna let the hale old man piss on his parade. He's happy, dammit! For once in his goddamned life. Clark realizes he's late and apologizes. What a strange little moment. MamaKent nods for Bo to go easy on the Beaver. No, really. It's chafing. (No disprespect to Annette O'Toole. It was a beaver joke only in the abstract sense. I have no interest in commenting on your beaver specifically, ma'am. In the future, your beaver shall receive nothing but respect from me. I don't even like that term. It's icky. I hope you won't hold this beaver thing against me. Oh. Shit. I did it again. Please don't send Michael McKean to kick my ass and say something funny as he does it.) Bo heard about Sir Mxyz-A-Lot getting arrested, and he's proud that Clark was able to get that whole villain thing taken care of even as he was throwing passes and avoiding sacks. Bo says they're very proud of Clark. MamaKent is, too. Bo takes his sexy condiment tray upstairs. It's about to get a little 9 1/2 Weeks up in here.