Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
Just Ass

Li'l Flash is lying in the dark on the floor somewhere, dressed in some ridiculous magenta and red get-up. Did Lex dress him up in that? How did that go down? He wakes up to the sound of doors opening. Lex, standing there waiting, approaches with two henchmen. The room is dark, but includes dramatically lit and expensive-looking computers. The camera follows Lex from behind. "Good morning, Sunshine," says Lex. Lights go on in a chamber where Li'l Flash is being held. "I know you," says Lex. You couldn't tell it was him when you were undressing him and putting him into a lightning-shaped plastic vest? Lex says that Li'l Flash has stolen from him before. "I want a lawyer," says Li'l Flash, crossing his arms. Lex, giddy, raises his arms to the sides and says, "And I want a ponytail! Disappointment abounds." Hee. Lex with a ponytail would be the ultimate. Lex asks whom Li'l Flash is working for. Li'l Flash says that what you see is what you get, calling Lex "Goldilocks." Lex tells Li'l Flash that he's a low-level thief, not a corporate hacker. He wants Li'l Flash to say whom he's working for before things get "unpleasant." Li'l Flash pretends to give in, stepping toward the glass. "I work for a guy...called Mr. Kiss My Butt. Would you like me to introduce you?"'s not exactly inspired, like saying he was "working for #2," would have been, but it still pisses off Lex. Lex opens up a cell phone-looking device that lights up the chamber. Lex, walking away, says that the chamber has been outfitted with pressure plates that detect movement. Lex says that if Li'l Flash stops for even a millisecond after it's activated, he'll fry. Sounds pricey. I hope he got some reasonable contract bids before getting this built by, say, Halliburton. "Last chance," Lex offers. Li'l Flash raises his chin defiantly. Lex says that maybe he'll be more talkative when he gets tired of running. He pushes a button, activating green electricity in the chamber. Li'l Flash screams, and then starts running circles within the round chamber. It's probably no coincidence that the floor of the chamber looks like our old pal, Mr. Octagonal Space Disc. Li'l Flash blurs in a circle. Lex smiles slyly, and then walks out.

Back at Oliver's pad, the room just got a lot gayer. Oliver tells Aquadude to pull up the LuthorCorp manifest. "Gotcha," says Aquadude. Oh yeah you do. Clark asks Bionic Bro how long they've been working together. BB says that it's been about six months, and that, at the time, Aquadude and Oliver had "already been doing their thing." I see.... Clark asks about BB's girlfriend. "Dude, don't even go there," says Aquadude helpfully. "She gave it her best shot," says Bionic Brother, without a hint of bitterness. He says that, with all this hardware in him...he doesn't finish, but Clark says he's sorry. So, was his plug not compatible with her socket? BB says that when Oliver found him, he was living on the streets. He says that Oliver offered him a warm meal, a roof over his head, and a reason to go on living. You make me sad, robot man. Oliver, who only heard half of that, asks if BB just said something nice about him. "Maybe he's starting to rust," offers Aquadude. All right, Aquadude? You know how, in the script, there are lines you highlighted that you're supposed to say? Just strike through all of those, and when it's your turn to talk, just nod sagely and let someone else cut in. Trust me, you'll come across better that way. Clark asks Aquadude how he got involved. Aw, damn. It was such a good plan, too. Aquadude tells Clark that he got into trouble after taking down a whaling vessel off the coast of Japan. BB cuts in, asking if "a little trouble" is really what he's going to go with. He says that, without Oliver's help, Aquadude's scaly butt would have gotten filleted. Talk of butts...hmmm.... Aquadude scoffs that he would have gotten out of it. Oliver, a bit twitchy, asks if that was before or after he'd been crammed into a thousand tuna cans. BB -- on the couch and casual as hell -- says, "At least you would have been dolphin-safe." Funny, the clunky lines sound so much better coming from him. "Fish jokes," mutters Aquadude. "All I ever get are fish jokes." Hey, don't look at me. I think fish puns are the lowest form of humor. Wait, no, I meant single-cell organism puns. Fish jokes are slightly higher up in the comedy food chain. Clark is amused. Aquadude asks how Lois is doing. Clark, the asshole, says, "Uh, I think you'd have to ask your boss." Oliver brushes that off, saying that now's not the time, and that they have to find Li'l Flash.

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