Smallville

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Tippi Blevins: B | Grade It Now!
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A Backstory With a View

Present day. Zod is talking to his Earthbound soldiers. Where, exactly, are they? Why, in one of the show's ubiquitous warehouses, of course! He couldn't have rented out a conference room at a Holiday Inn or something? Maybe put out a coffee urn and some Shipley's? He explains that none of them recall the day Kandor fell because they only remember Kandor up until the moment their blood was taken. He calls them the "last sons and daughters of Krypton" and promises he won't allow their birthright to be denied. He accuses Jor-El of coming in the orb with them and keeping their powers for himself. One of the soldiers is Alia, the assassin who attacked Lois in the train a few episodes ago. If the rest of them are never given names, I'm just going to name them after the Resistance characters from Top Secret!. Like, one guy will be Chocolate Mousse, one will be Déjà vu, etc. Boy, that was a funny movie. While I was off thinking about old Val Kilmer movies, Zod has been working up quite a tantrum about how Jor-El "flaunts" his powers all over the city. Zod? You know I love you, but you sound like a big baby, and not just because you sometimes pronounce your Rs and Ls like Ws. "When we find this traitor," he says, "we will force him to give us what's rightfully ours. We will be gods on this planet and Kandor will rise again!" Somebody save the Earth!

Watchtower. Man, I'm just noticing how phallic that building is from the outside. It juts so proudly! Chloe is inside, doing what she's almost always doing these days -- tapping away at one of her computers. She goes from the computer to the touch screen on her desk while glancing anxiously at the monitors. Clark whooshes into the room behind her. Chloe turns to him with a surprised but pleased, "Hey!" She thinks his showing up to see her must mean that the I Love Lois Show was preempted this week." Yes, well, with the Krypton sets and guest actor, there wasn't enough money in the budget for all that dopey music this week. Sorry. Clark teases her: "Come on, you know I always speed over when you call." Chloe just looks at him with an implied, "Shyeah!" and then goes back to work at her computer. Clark goes on to say he thinks he's the reason Lois disappeared without a word, though. He admits he kissed her. Chloe assures him that leaving town is "Lois's typical response to intimacy." Have fun with that relationship, Clark. She'll probably join a nunnery after you two boink for the first time. He says he couldn't help himself, and then Chloe clunks us all with an anvil about Clark having feelings for Lois since the 1930s. She says Lois just needs a little space. In the meantime, how about an actual plot instead? Chloe tells him about her "LuthorCorp mole" giving her information about Tess sending teams out all over the globe, looking for the Kandorians. Chloe says Tess has one team digging through the Turkish desert. She thinks Clark should "wing it" out there and see for himself. Clark admits he still can't fly and starts to go book his coach flight, but Chloe suggests he fly first-class with Oliver. Clark starts to protest, but Oliver walks in at that moment. "I hear you need a lift," he says. Clark casts an accusing glance at Chloe. She just smiles. Clark gives a long sigh and nods his acceptance. Having wealthy and helpful friends is so trying.

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Smallville

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