Smallville

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Tippi Blevins: B | Grade It Now!
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A Backstory With a View

Watchtower. Clark and Chloe are in mid-conversation when they arrive with Oliver in tow. Clark shouts: "When you told me you could help me find my father, I didn't know it was because you wired my house!" Chloe explains she set up the cameras at the Kent house after he left to fight Doomsday. "I wanted to keep an eye on the place until you came home." Clark is still pissed. "I've been home for weeks and you didn't tell me anything about them." It's hard for me to work up much outrage when this show's moral compass is so screwed up. Clark looks to Oliver the cold-blooded murderer to back him up, but Oliver isn't taking sides. Chloe apologizes. "But I think the cameras may have recorded something that might lead us to your father." She pulls up the footage; it's everything from Jor-El putting the sleeper hold on her to his being abducted by the minions. Chloe, seeing this for the first time, realizes Jor-El wasn't trying to get away from her. Oliver concludes: "He sensed danger, he was trying to save you." Clark's nostrils flare with emotion. If you pause on just the right frame, I think you can see up to his brain. He surmises that Tess is the only one who would have sent those operatives to kidnap Jor-El. Oliver and Chloe try to keep him from rushing off and doing something he regrets, but Clark whooshes away without hearing them.

Zod's warehouse. Kandorian soldiers drag Jor-El inside and shove him to the floor. He's wearing the phony Blur outfit. He looks up as Zod approaches. "Hello, old friend," Zod says. Jor-El looks skeered.

After the commercials, we're back in the same warehouse. Jor-El is still kneeling on the floor where he'd been dropped. Zod circles around him, though not quite as sexfully as he did with Tess. "I've seen what you've done for the humans of Metropolis, it's time you did something for your own peephole!" I think he means "people." He demands Jor-El give them their powers, saying it's the least he can do, considering what happened the last time they met. A light over Jor-El's left shoulder flares and takes us to the next flashback on Krypton, where he's emptying little ampoules of blood into a crystal console not unlike the one in the Fortress of Solitude. As the samples drain out, a beam of pinkish light radiates from the console. A lavender, multifaceted orb forms in the light and Jor-El plucks it from midair. He reaches into the console and pulls out a totally dildo-riffic blue crystal. I mean, there have been phallic crystals on this show before, but this one is... I mean, it's just... I'm having a hard time stopping laughing long enough to describe it. I... I think it's ribbed. There are soldiers in the background and I don't know how they're keeping from blushing. Jor-El thrusts the crystal dildo at the orb and a beam of light is emitted from its pulsing shaft. Satisfied the job is done, Jor-El puts the naughty blue crystal back in the console and places the orb on a stone podium. At this point, Zod walks in and the soldiers kneel as he passes. Jor-El informs him that the Council's demands have been met and the orb is ready. He also shows Zod the "Stones of Knowledge" that were part of that terrible "Lana is a witch" storyline a few years back. He says, "The teachings of the 28 galaxies will be available to our people should they ever be resurrected." All that's left to do is include their own DNA samples. Zod nods and looks uncharacteristically bashful. He's hesitant because he has to ask Jor-El for a favor. He reaches into the pocket of his uniform and pulls out a lock of blond hair from his son. He calls his son his "most precious treasure" and tells Jor-El this bit of hair is all he has left of him. Jor-El whispers a warning to him that the soldiers will see him. Zod puts an arm around Jor-El's shoulders and leads him away from prying eyes. His voice breaking, his begs his friend to bring back his little boy. "So I can hold him in my arms again," he says. Jor-El says there could be complications, or mutations. Zod begs him, but Jor-El says they can't change the past. "Think if you had a son," Zod pleads. Still, Jor-El refuses: "I'm truly sorry." Zod looks stricken for several long moments, then he collects himself and offers his arm to Jor-El for the blood sample to be taken. "You are as dead to me as my son," Zod tells him.

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Smallville

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