Smallville
Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | 481 USERS: C+
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Harvey Wallgangers

Sorority Boys is coming. Mark your calendars. Or don't. I mean, really, it's just a movie. With Lex.

Channel Flipper and Slang Thug take Jocko to a place where there are lots of broken-down cars and tons of tires. The prop department must have gotten a good deal on defective Firestones.

Clark still on the ground. He's been left with Computer Hooligan. Clark says he saw Computer Hooligan's arm in the bank vault. Computer Hooligan says it's an occupational hazard. They waited too long in the vault. Ouch. He's not even bitter about it or anything. If it were me, I'd be screaming about it every day. "My arm! Got lost! In a goddamned bank vault! Wait! Where are you going? Come back!" Clark tells Computer Hooligan that they're going to die if they keep doing these tattoos/drugs. Computer Hooligan gets mad and tells Clark that he ruined their retirement plan. He also completely loses his Scottish accent. He says Clark is going to pay. We hear an electrical buzzing, and Computer Hooligan goes down. Lex suddenly appears behind him holding one of those electrical stun guns. Clark gets up and asks how Lex found them. Lana squealed. Lex tells Clark he should have called him first. Poor Lex. I bet Clark goes clubbing all the time without him. Bitch. Lex tells Clark he's going to call the police. He looks down, and when he looks up again Clark is gone. Risky use of the superpowers there, isn't it, Clark?

The weird cavernous car room again. A car is hanging from a chain high up. I think we can all agree, based on past episodes, exactly how that's going to figure into the coming scene. Let's play along anyway, shall we? Channel Flipper is grabbing Jocko by the lapels. He's not even really scary at this point. Jocko says that he thought his life was over when he lost his scholarship, but he was wrong. Standing under the suspended car, Channel Flipper says that Jocko is going to leave the group the way he entered. "Grab the remote!" he tells Slang Thug. How wise is it to make all these threats while also standing under this precariously hung car? And who keeps a remote control around with a big red button that drops cars like that. Is this Wile E. Coyote's garage? Well, I don't get paid to ask these questions. I get paid to recap. So, moving on...Clark appears. "Let him go!" he announces, adding that the cops are on their way. Channel Flipper grabs Jocko from behind. His tattoo goes from green to brown. It's a shit tattoo. Channel Flipper pulls a gun and tells Jocko that there's only one way off the team. "Don't worry, bro, I got you covered!" Slang Thug yells. He pushes the button. With Channel Flipper still under the car with Jocko. What. The. Fuck? How does that make any sense whatsoever? Bad. Bad. Bad Smallville. Clark, of course, rushes toward the car, grabs Jocko, and pulls him out of the way. Bad guy gets crushed. The crowd goes wild. (Yay.) Jocko is knocked into some metal cans and of course won't remember the miraculous save. I thought we were past this crap after the first few episodes of the season. Guess you can't avoid a stultifyingly bad clunker now and then. Crushed Channel Flipper. We hear sirens approaching in record time. Slang Thug starts to run but is stopped as two police cruisers enter. Lex must have Speed Dial that travels across time. Jocko wakes up, looking a little stunned.

Smallville

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