Smallville
Kinetic

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Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Harvey Wallgangers

Outside Fordman's at night. Jocko is locking up. The General Lee (sorta) pulls up, full of the Hooligan Homies. Channel Flipper is sticking a vial out the window, and tells Jocko that he got a taste -- now he can see what it's all about. Of course, he calls Jocko "bro." Jocko smiles and says he's in. He gets in the car. A few yards away, Clark is watching. Jealously. The car takes off. Clark superspeeds after them.

What appears to be the outside of an abandoned building. Lex gets out of a car. A cell phone rings. "Glad you could make it, Luthor," Channel Flipper says on the phone. Lex is told to walk inside the building, where he'll find a walk-in meat locker. He's told to wait there.

Lex walks into a metallic meat-hook room. I'm waiting for the Cenobites to come out. The door closes. Loud, dramatic music plays. Lex looks around, looking a little scared. The hooligans, wearing their masks, pop through the walls. If it's their bodies that can do this, how are they bringing their clothes across? Are they krypto-poly blend? ["Wow, kryptonite has almost as many uses as hemp!" -- Wing Chun] "Open the case, Lex," says Channel Flipper. Lex says he wants the disk first. "Give us the money!" yells Channel Flipper. Jocko, in the ski mask, asks what's going on. "Shut up," he's told. Channel Flipper pushes his hand through Lex's titanium briefcase. He roots around in there and finds nothing. "It's empty. He screwed us!" Channel Flipper yells, in a very badly acted way. Well, it's only fair play. You made him bend over last time. Lex says that if he'd brought the money, he never would have made it out. As opposed to not making it out now? Channel Flipper starts to choke Lex. Jocko starts yelling in protest, saying he didn't know they were going to do this. "Give us the damn money!" yells Channel Flipper. "Stop it! You're killing him!" yells Jocko. Damn. This is just like what happened to Radio Raheem. One of the other thugs says that time is almost up. "We've gotta blow!" he says. Lex thinks, "Not...without...my...Clark..." They're about to leave when Clark suddenly bursts through the door, comically holding his stomach. Clark gets whacked on the head hard with a meat hook. Ow. Shouldn't his head be split in two? The hooligans let go of Lex. Lex and Clark, both on their knees, exchange a familiar, knowing look. It's gay, but not the Gayest. The hooligans start to leave. Clark calls out Jocko's name. Jocko turns and then is pulled back. "Come on, Rookie," the hooligan says, dragging Jocko with him through the wall. Oh, I get it! They're on Platform 9 ¾ for the Hogwarts Express! Clark looks on after them. If they're gone, shouldn't his powers have returned? I guess we'll never know, because it's commercial time.

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Smallville

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