Smallville
Kinetic

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Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Harvey Wallgangers

The Talon Theater. Sad, "Closed. For Sale" sign on the marquee. A blonde girl walks down the street and into Nell's flower shop just as Lana is walking out wearing a gray jacket and a mauve scarf. Feh. She runs into Jocko Whitney, who is walking along outside. He looks like he's completely pissed at himself for giving Lana the opportunity to see him. He was supposed to meet Lana at the hospital. (When was she there? We must have missed that scene.) She tells him that Chloe is okay, but not out of the woods yet. Jocko, who must have a closet full of jackets, is wearing a nice up-collared black one now. He does his best Clark impression and mopes that this place is always trying to keep you down. I keep expecting him to bust into song and croon, "Wicked Little Town" from Hedwig. He tells Lana he's gotta go do inventory, leaving Lana behind to look perturbed. Or maybe that's just constipation.

The Fortress of Barnitude. Clark is turning his home into the Fortress of Frustratitude. He's obliterating pieces of firewood on a chopping block with his fist. Who cuts firewood indoors? That just seems like a tremendous mess. Bo Duke and MamaKent walk in. Worriedly, MamaKent asks what Clark is doing. "These blocks of wood will NEVER LAUGH AT ME AGAIN!" Clark wants to cackle, but instead he just says he's trying to make himself useful. "Hey, son!" Bo bellows. "We need firewood. Not toothpicks!" He holds up a big-ass stick, and it's funny because it's a dig at Clark's huge teeth. Bo, you sly one. Clark whines about Chloe. Bo just came from the bank, so he's got a withdrawal envelope full of platitudes. He pulls one out and hands it to Clark: "Son, becoming an adult means learning a lot of difficult lessons, one of which is that you can't save everybody, no matter who you are." Yeah, Dad, because you couldn't save everyone back in your superhero days, so you know exactly what it's like. Right. I forgot. MamaKent brings up the kryptonite. Clark says he still doesn't know why he felt the effects. "Sometimes I wish I could just leave this town and get away from the meteor rocks!" Clark moans before trying to put the smackdown on another piece of helpless wood. Stupid, stupid rocks! Bo stops him. Because that was the piece of wood he was going to use to carve a platitude for the den. Bo says Clark shouldn't run away from his problems. Unless one of them is Brainiac. MamaKent tells Clark to stop being a drag-ass and go and find out what he can. Aren't these the same parents who usually want him to stay home and avoid using his superpowers? Such mixed messages. Clark leaves. Bo puts a piece of wood on the chopping block. When the DVD of this comes out, I want to see the deleted scene where Bo tries to do the hand trick and breaks his wrist in twenty places.

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Smallville

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