Lex Manor. Very high vantage point. Lex is on the phone bitching out somebody from the best private security firm in Metropolis. Lex puts the phone down, and one by one, the thugs appear out of thin air. Or thick air. I don't really know the air conditions. Lex asks how they got in there. "Same way we did last time, bro," Slang Thug says through his ski mask. Lex says he's calling the police. Channel Flipper calls bullshit. He says they know what's on the disk. Lex denies. Channel Flipper says that Lex is skimming money from his dad to fund a Smallville project. I'll bet the disk was called "The Lex Files." Lex says he's planning a methane treatment plant to put his competitors out of business. Ah yes, the thriving Kansas methane industry. One of the hooligans punches Lex in the gut. Lex falls over. "Methane plants don't need particle accelerators," Channel Flipper says. Not unless it's really fast methane. Slang Thug says they want $1 million in twenty-four hours, or they'll upload the info to the internet, and everyone, including "Big Daddy Lionel," will see what Lex was up to. I like that. "Big Daddy Lionel." Big Daddy Kane would be proud, I think. The Hooligans hand Lex a cell phone to stay in touch. "Now turn around!" Slang Thug says. Lex bends over, and we see right at his face. Oh, man. I don't like the way this is going. Or maybe I do and just don't know it. Lex assumes the...ahem, position. "You have no idea who you're dealing with," Lex says, as he's in the bent-over stance. We hear a whoosh, and when Lex turns, they're all gone. Thus ends the Almost Gay Porn segment.
The never-before-seen Fordman's Store. A sign outside says, "Since 1943." Inside, floppy-haired Jocko is hanging up coats on a rack. He's wearing a bright blue employee shirt and looking pissed as all get-out. Clark appears behind Jocko and calls for him, saying he's there to pick up a microwave for MamaKent. Jocko says he can go to the back counter. "Is everything okay?" Clark asks. Jocko lays into Clark, complaining about his shitty inherit-from-Dad life. Blah blah blah family responsibilitycakes. Clark tries to reassure Jocko about his future, but is told, "I lost my scholarship, Kent." Clark asks if Jocko's told Lana. Nope. Jocko sings "Wicked Little Town" again, saying he's going to end up stuck in Smallville and getting heart problems at fifty. Sounds like a lack of fiber in the family. Slang Thug, holding a tennis shoe, interrupts, asking if Jocko's got "these sneaks in a 12." "Sneaks"? Jeez. This guy probably says "tubular" a lot. Clark notices the guy has a ferris-wheel-shaped green tattoo on his forearm. "You got a problem, bro?" the guy says, and I laugh involuntarily. We used to make fun of a guy who said "bro" all the time after college. Clark says he'll go find the back desk while Jocko goes off to help his new "bro."