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Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
Going To The Dogs In More Ways Than One

We cut to Lois Lane, driving in the dark and leaving a message on Chloe's voicemail. Lois tells Chloe that she's officially moved out of the dorms and headed to the Kent house. She asks Chloe to bring her mail that's been sent to Chloe's. She hangs up, and as she's putting down the phone, the brown dog, Einstein, crosses the road. We don't see the car actually hit the dog, but it looks like that's what happens. Lois stops the car. She looks behind her and sees the dog lying in the road. "Oh my God, what have I done?" she asks herself. Overstayed your welcome on this show? She gets out of the SUV, tells the dog they're going to get help, picks up the huge mass, and takes it to the SUV. "I know you're going to be fine," Lois says. "Everyone I've ever hit was all right." She sneezes. It is neither cute nor funny.

Opening credits. Still no Lois. I'm going to take that as a good sign.

Kent Farm at night. A light goes on upstairs. Downstairs, on a couch, an awakening Clark pushes aside a soft-looking bright red blanket to figure out what's making noise in the middle of the night. Bo walks into the room, too, from what appears to be the front door. Oh, Bo. Tell us you weren't out "Midnight Milking" again. Bo shushes Clark and sneaks toward the kitchen, where there's clattering. We reveal: CuteEinstein, who has somehow gotten a Tupperware container out of the fridge and has opened it on the floor. He's chomping on meat and veggies. A chain tied around his neck has been broken. Lois walks in through the kitchen door holding some boxes. She asks Clark and Bo what they're doing up. They glance at the noisy dog. He chew chew chews the steak. Lois says that the dog is supposed to be tied up in the barn. Nice job, Lois. She says she tied him to a post while she was getting stuff out of her car. She smiles sheepishly. CuteEinstein is like, "This is all very interesting, but, CHOMP!"

In the Barnness of Freeloaditude, Lois is showing Clark and Bo where she had the dog chained up. There's now a broken post where he was being held. And over there was where she made the dog wear a hood and stand on a cardboard box. "That's just bad wood," Lois says. "That's not my fault." There goes Lois, taking another selfless hit for the team. Bo and Clark exchange a look. Lois suddenly sneezes. The dog looks at her sympathetically, which is more acting than Clark can muster up this week. Lois blames her allergies. Bo asks where the dog came from. MommaDog? "Actually, I kind of...hit him," Lois says. She smiles when she says it, with something like pride. "With your car?" Clark asks. "No, with my fist," Lois says obnoxiously. Lois says she was going to call the vet, but when she brought him to the farm, the dog seemed fine. A huge hunk of steak will do that. Bo says that Lois needs to make some flyers. The dog has a collar, he says, and he's sure it belongs to someone. Lois agrees. She sneezes again. CuteEinstein moves to try to catch the loogie, but misses. Clark smiles at Lois's puffy face and says it might be fun to have a dog around. He grins broadly as he starts playing with the dog, and says that if nobody claims him, maybe they can keep him. Bo says they should wait and see what happens. "Yeah, don't get too attached," says Lois. My wife asks, saliently, "They live on a farm and don't already have a dog?" Hey! Yeah! "I'm going to bed," Lois says, with more puff in her face than a bag of marshmallows. Clark says he's going to do his chores. "It's three o'clock in the morning," Bo points out, instead of his usual "Good, because those chores aren't going to win a reality-show contest that entitles them to a year of doing themselves." Clark says that with Lois staying at the farm, he can only do his chores at super-speed when she isn't looking. It's not like she has any real powers of observation, though. I'm sure she wouldn't even notice during the day. Bo asks Clark to start with the broken barn post. Clark does so in what's actually a very nice bit of woodworking. Say what you will about Clark, but he knows how to work that wood. He measures, cuts, attaches. The dog watches him, thinking, "I could do that if I had super-opposable thumbs." Clark says that at least he doesn't have to hide anything from CuteEinstein. CuteEinstein cocks one eyebrow, then the other. It's very cute. Aw, Clark's got puppy love.

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