Smallville
Krypto

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Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Going To The Dogs In More Ways Than One

The animal shelter. Lois and Clark have brought CuteEinstein, who says, "Yo, what up," to dogs he passes as they enter the offices. Lois suggests they get MamaKent a new pot roast on the way back. She tells "Clarkie" to sit. "Good dog," she tells him. Maybe his real name is "Ubu." She smiles at Clark, who looks annoyed. Clark rings the bell on the counter three times. I get a wicked Fawlty Towers flashback. Young Thief, who looks like a bit of a goober, enters the room. He sees CuteEinstein and reacts the way you would seeing an ex-girlfriend a year after you broke up. The dog barks at him. Young Thief (I'd assign a more fitting nickname, but frankly, the two thieves in this episode vaporize from memory the minute the episode finishes. They're like Guest Star Ghosts) pretends nothing's up, and asks Clark and Lois how he can help them. Lois tells the guy that she hit the dog with her car, again saying it as if it were the high point of her week. She tells the kid they call the dog "Clarkie." "We don't call him 'Clarkie,'" Clark says. "Is it the 'ie' part you don't like?" Lois asks him. Lois says they could just call him "Clark," which could get confusing. "Maybe you should change your name," she suggests. Lois has got shtick, I'll give her that. "You could be Skipper!" she concludes. Clark ignores her with an "Anyway," and asks the kid if he can scan the ID chip in the dog. The kid gulps nervously and takes CuteEinstein to do just that. As he approaches the dog menacingly with a scan gun, CuteEinstein barks at him.

Roger: I'd be barking, too. Those things give you cancer.
Omar: Cancer?
Roger: Yeah. Right in the ass.

Lois tells the kid that the dog doesn't seem to be feelin' the love. Clark takes the gun and scans CuteEinstein himself. Lois suddenly sneezes. Young Thief blesses her, which signals that he's the nicer of the two thieves. Mean thieves never bless you unless it's to try to distract you while they take your wallet. The computer picks up the chip signal. It says, "LuthorCorp -- Registered Owner Found." Sure, yes, but did it really need to have the LuthorCorp logo embedded on it, too? "Huh," says Young Thief, sagely. Young Thief suggests that he might be a lab dog. Labrador Dog? Young Thief says he'd be happy to take CuteEinstein off their hands. Clark brushes him off and says they'll care of it themselves. Young Thief stops them as they leave, asking for a name and address, in case LuthorCorp calls. "It's policy," he tells them. Clark gives the leash to Lois and says he's going to go talk to Lex. Sexy! And about four weeks overdue. Lois takes CuteEinstein and says they'll go sneeze a while. "Heel, Clarkie," Lois commands, just to annoy Clark one more time before she leaves. It works. Clark does a slow burn, then fills out his personal information on the clipboard. Hey, why does this have check-boxes for "Top" or "Bottom"?

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Smallville

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