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Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
These Nuts

Clark wanders past a Ping-Pong table. Li'l Bill Gates tells Li'l Harry Knowles to stop licking the ball, because that's cheating. Hey, I've always heard that eatin' ain't cheatin'. A woman's voice says it's time for medication. I'll have two, please. Clark goes to a window and is depressed that there are bars preventing him from leaping out and cutting himself up into little strips. One of the burly orderlies tells the patients getting in line for meds to "keep on movin', keep on movin'." You can't slight him, since he used to sing backup for Soul II Soul. The orderly tells Clark to hurry his ass up. We cut to a nurse telling a patient not to hide a pill under his tongue. "Swallow it," she says, and it's unsexy as hell. Clark hears a voice behind him say, "You're not crazy, Kal-El." The camera turns to reveal a dashing black man who already looks like the sanest person here. He says that they don't have much time: "I believe you're from another planet." All of a sudden, he doesn't seem so believable anymore. Clark asks what makes him say that. Dude says he's not from there, either. Get this: he's from Mars. Veronica Mars? Welcome to the show! "You can't trust anyone," says the Martian, and then grunts, as if to prove his point, as he gets stabbed in the neck with a needle gun. "Hey!" Clark tells the orderlies, who are already carrying Clark's new Martian friend away. "Don't even think about it," one of them tells Clark. Don't worry. He won't. Patient Martian is carried away. Clark notices a custodian nearby use a set of keys to open a door. We cut to the inside of that room. Clark enters and punches the custodian right in the face.

Clark, wearing the custodian's duds and cap, is now pushing the cleaning cart down a hall. He walks past two workers in bow ties who don't recognize him at all. Clark walks right past an Exit sign. Then he's outside the building. Clark throws his cap away as if sweet freedom has somehow made him suddenly invisible. He runs. Mama, I'm comin' home!

The Barnness of Hallucinatude. "Mom! Mom!" Clark calls as he runs up to the loft. What would his mom be doing up in the loft by herself? Instead, Lana is there. She's in a room with frilly lamps and furniture, wearing a dress that looks a bit like a cheerleader's outfit. "Clark, you're home!" she says, running to him. She can't believe it. It's not like she was just sitting there waiting for Clark to arrive because she has no life, personality, or interests. They hug, and Clark closes his eyes in pleasure. He asks what she's doing there. Then he notices the furniture. He asks what all her things are doing in the loft. "This is my home now," she says. Enjoy the cold winter and lack of insulation. Lana tells him that after his dad passed away, she and Nell bought the farm. As in literally "bought the farm," not that they died together. Lana says that not everything has changed. She points to Clark's telescope, which is still pointed up at attention. She says that Clark once told her that looking through it brought him closer to her. Wow, two stalkers. They're made for each other. She says that having the telescope there makes her feel like Clark is always with her. That's a little...wrong. Clark says that this is all strange. Lana agrees that this must be hard for him, adding that a lot's changed. Luckily, Lana says, none of that matters anymore. She says that, freshman year, Clark promised that they'd never be apart. Clark says that they weren't together then; she was with Whitney. "The football jock?" she asks. She remembers Jocko!? Lana says that there's one person she's ever been in love with and it's Clark. Small-town tragedy, that. Lana says she knows Clark suffered mild amnesia after the treatment. "What treatment?" he asks. He says he didn't have it. Lana's confused: she thought Clark was released from the hospital. Suddenly in fugitive mode, Clark looks around and says, "I wasn't released. I escaped!" He says that Lex put him in that hellhole. Lana thinks that Clark's got it wrong. Clark says he doesn't care that Lana and Lex are engaged, and snaps, "Stop protecting him!" Lana, scared, says she doesn't know Lex Luthor. She moves to call the hospital. Clark now thinks Lana's lying and that she's in on it, stalling until they show up. Lana tells Clark to stop. "What did Lex do to my mother?" Clark demands. "Where is she!?" Lana, tearful, says that she's probably at the mansion: "The Luthor mansion." Clark takes off. At normal speed. We hear gurgling and murky barking. "Clark!" Lana calls.

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