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Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
These Nuts

Commercials. Epic Movie. Who am I to judge cheap, mocking jokes at the expense of pop-culture offerings?

We return to see Clark lying on his teeny bunk. There's still booming noise on the soundtrack. "You can't give in, Kal-El," a voice says. "You must resist. None of this is real." Clark mutters, "Leave me alone." We cut to the tiny window of the cell. Through the window of a cell across the hall, Patient Martian is whispering to Clark. He says that Clark was attacked in his barn by a creature he released from the Phantom Zone. Clark says that doesn't exist. Martian says that it does, and that if Clark were human, he'd have been overtaken with ease. Clark sits up in the bed. Martian says that Clark is stronger than that. Clark says that Martian is just a patient in a hospital, and is just as crazy as Clark is. Martian says that if Clark gives up, the being will take control of Clark's body and all its powers; the creature will unite all the other escapees from the Phantom Zone: "Together, they'll enslave all mankind." Clark goes to the small window, and asks how Martian is there if all of this is true. "I'm in your mind as well," says Patient Martian, "trying to help." Ah, well, all right then. That explains everything. Martian says that there's only one way Clark will regain consciousness: he has to kill Dr. Accent. Drama! Clark says that he can't kill a man. Oh, really? Martian insists that the doctor isn't a man. He's a phantom. Clark asks why he should trust Martian. Martian says that Clark knows himself. He needs to trust Clark. Boy, is Clark fucked. Two workers come to Martian's cell, open it, and drag him away. Martian makes one last-ditch effort, coming to Clark's door: "Look within. Believe in yourself! The future of mankind depends on it!" Get some motivational posters! Plant a tree! Recycle! Call your mom! Help pass a local ordinance! Adopt a pet! Don't kill any bums! One of the workers pulls out a lighter and holds it close to Patient Martian's face. Martian doesn't like it. They ask if he's afraid of fire. "Isn't Mars the red-hot planet?" one of them asks. These guys are DICKS! "Welcome home," one of them says, and punches Martian right in the face. Martian gets dragged off by one of them. The other approaches Clark's door and says, "It's time, Mr. Kent." Booming. Barking.

Clark is brought into a very gray and dingy-looking exam room. Lana, wearing a pink short-sleeved shirt, is waiting. She says she didn't want Clark to go through this alone. She looks about three feet tall. Lana thinks that Clark is about to get better, and that they'll finally be together. Yeah, let's keep our fingers crossed, everybody. This time it could really happen! "I want you to be real," says Clark. Don't go getting implants. "I am real," Lana tells him. Lana decides to talk some more: she says that even if she is a hallucination, and Clark's world doesn't exist, and she's about to marry Clark's greatest enemy (huh? When did Clark decide Lex is his worst enemy?), and Clark's an alien from another planet who's caused suffering here...wanna take a breath there, Lana, because this list is getting ridiculous. She asks if Clark really wants to live in a world where all of that is true. It's a fair question. Clark says that he doesn't know what to believe anymore. Lana asks if Clark doesn't just want to take this treatment and be with her. He says that of course he does -- more than she can imagine. She suggests that he stop fighting it: "You've lived for this so long, carried this burden of being a hero." She tells him it's time for him to let go and lead a normal life. Clark, teary, says that he's never been normal. Lana tells him that his destiny isn't to save the world: it's to be with her for the rest of their lives. That does sound more like the show we're familiar with. Lana kisses Clark right next to his mouth. The doors open. The doctor walks in with his two flunkies, saying that there's no need to worry -- the procedure is quite painless. Clark turns to Lana. Rough barking.

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