Smallville

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Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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Tell Lara I Love Her

Opening credits. Commercials. Life Is Wild. In my pants.

The Daily Planet. We see a computer screen showing a Web site for something called ISIS. It's white on pink with the words, "Together we will build our future." Wow, generic. A text window says, "Support for the meteor infected." There's a picture of an ugly green meteor rock. Chloe is looking at the screen and writing down notes. We hear a whoosh. Chloe's papers flap on the desk. Clark asks about the web site. He asks if this was what was so important. Chloe, already getting up, tells him that the site should be the least of his worries. She tells him that the night before, the FAA halted flights over Washington because of a near-miss with a red-and-blue blur in the sky. Chloe says they think it was a ground-to-air missile (a festive one), but Clark and Chloe both assume it was Kara. Do missiles have giant boobs? Oh, wait, I forgot -- in the 50s, the government did develop the K-541 Twin Bazongas Missile. My dad used to have one of their calendars. Clark blames himself for this Kara situation. Chloe reminds Clark that he's Kara's cousin, not her father. Oh, who knows what weird breeding those Kryptonians are into. Maybe she's his grandniece or something. Clark regrets pushing Kara away and thinks she must be hurt and angry. He wants to bring her back. Chloe sounds annoyed that Kara doesn't fly under the radar and may blow Clark's secret.

Jimmy, spotting Clark, comes over to ask about Kara and whether Clark's heard from her. Hi, I'm Chloe, and I'm standing right fucking here. Chloe shoots Clark a look. Clark doesn't answer. Jimmy says they look worried. He asks what's up. Clark and Chloe weirdly walk away from Jimmy while talking to him. Clark says that Kara decided to go to Washington, D.C. and not tell anyone. Jimmy, trying to lighten things up, says maybe she just wanted to tour the city and that he's sure their postcards are in the mail. Dude. Just stop. Chloe thinks Jimmy knows something. Probably just one thing, total. Clark, sounding a little threatening, says Kara is his family and that Jimmy needs to tell him if he knows anything. Jimmy sighs. He tells them about the interest Kara had in Lois's spaceship video. Jimmy reveals that the evidence pointed to the government. Chloe is annoyed that Jimmy didn't tell them this earlier. Jimmy insists that Kara made him promise to keep it a secret. "She trusted me," Jimmy explains. Jimmy ignores Chloe's hurt look and apologizes to "C.K.," saying he had no idea she'd follow that lead all the way to Washington. Clark thanks Jimmy and pulls Chloe aside all of two feet to tell her that the government might have her crystal. Hi, I'm Jimmy, and I'm standing two feet away. I can hear you just fine! In fact, let me turn on this voice recorder. Clark tells Chloe that Kara will do anything to get that crystal back. Anything? Oh, Al and Miles. You dirty, dirty men.

LuthorCorp. Papa Luthor stands behind the desk, looking out through the window at the daytime skyline. He is master of all he surveys, at least in my book. Clark enters through the automatic doors. "Lionel," he says, "welcome back." "Clark. Ohhhh," Papa Luthor says, coming around the desk. He puts his arms out, and they give each other the strangest hug you've ever seen. Both their upper bodies lean forward, but their feet are a wide stance apart. There's some hearty patting. I admit it, I'm a little freaked out by the whole thing. Clark says he's glad Papa Luthor is OK. "Yeeeesss," Papa Luthor purrs. He's just fine after that hug. Papa Luthor says that in the darkest hour, the soul is replenished and given strength to continue and endure. Clark has no idea what that means, but it sure sounds purty. Papa says that Luthors are survivors. Just like that song. By Survivor. Or maybe it was Destiny's Child. Or Gloria Gaynor. Somewhere in one of those songs, the Luthor story is being told to music. Papa says he heard there's a new member of the Kent family who's shown up. Clark says it's his cousin, Kara. Papa pretends to think about it for a moment and asks if Clark's ever mentioned her before. He asks which side of the family she's from. "My father's side," Clark says. "Which father?" Papa asks. Clark takes a moment, then says, as if it should be obvious, "My adoptive father." Papa Luthor looks genuinely disappointed by the lie.

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Smallville

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