Smallville
Leech

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Omar G: A | 1 USERS: A+
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Superpower Shuffle

Inside the Lair of Lex, a computer simulation is showing a crude wireframe reenactment of the Lex/Clark car accident from the pilot episode. We hear Lex commenting on the nice work done in the simulation, and we pull back to reveal he's talking to the crooked Inquisitor reporter, Nixon. The reporter says that all the physical evidence points to this explanation. Lex says that he's sure a rogues gallery of professionals was consulted. But that's not good enough. Lex wants to know the reporter's sources. He offers $10,000 per name. "Done!" Nixon says. "This would make one hell of a story," the newshound says. Lex casually tells him that nobody will ever know about this. He says that if the story is ever leaked, Lex and Nixon "are gonna have a serious trust issue." Unethical Nixon snarks that it would be a change from their current close relationship. Lex half-chuckles at that. Nixon leaves. Lex leans into his flat-panel monitors and stares at a simulation of his car hitting the bridge rail and knocking over a body (in this case a red, Clark-shaped body) that falls down along with the car. Lex freezes the frame on the car hitting the red body.

Nighttime. Kent farm. I thought Bo said he'd take care of the fence. I guess Bo must have gotten drunk and fallen into a stupor in front of reruns on TV Land because Clark is outside hammering a fence. He stubs his thumb and goes, "Ahhh!" Clark, now that you're not super, I think it's time to look into some Ibuprofen. Or maybe some Midol for that period of yours. Headlights. A fancy silver car shows up. You know the nighttime is the right time to be with the one you love, right? Lex gets out. Clark, barely containing his excitement, asks him why he's all the way out here. I didn't think Smallville was that big a town. Lex says he needs to talk. Clark says he has a minute if Lex helps him with the fence. Clark struggles to lift a piece of wood and Lex is surprised to see Clark huffing and puffing. (Not displeased. Just surprised.) "You can't lift that by yourself?" Lex asks. Clark says he's been baling hay and can barely lift his own arms. All the more submissive, my pretty. Lex, smiling, helps lift the 1.2 lb. board. "We're friends, right?" Lex asks. I thought you were buddies. Close buddies. Clark says they were last time he checked. Nightly. Lex says he wants to know what really happened the day his car went off the bridge. Clark, trying to act like it's the most absurd question in the world, says he dove into the water and pulled Lex out. You forgot the mouth-to-mouth. That's the best part. Camera zooms in on Skeptical Lex. "And that's it?" he says. I flash back to Chris Penn in Reservoir Dogs, sloppily saying, "Now why don't you tell me what really happened?" Clark insists that's what happened, and asks Lex what's wrong. Lex, in a full-on tizzy, says he doesn't think Clark is being completely honest. I bet he asks what clubs Clark has been going to behind his back and where he left Lex's paperback copy of Angels in America. Clark tells Lex that he should tell Clark what he thinks happened. Lex says he thinks he hit Clark at 60 mph and that Clark dove in, pulled back the roof of the car, and saved Lex. "And then he kissed me!" Lex sings, but only in my head. As Lex bares his soul, Clark scoffs and rolls his eyes. Bitch. Lex says, "You're the closest I've ever had to a real friend my whole life. You don't have to hide anything from me." (Except the salami.) Clark gets pissy right back. He tries to give Lex his hammer, and tells him to hit him anywhere. Lex says, "I'm not gonna hit you, Clark." "C'mon!" Clark dares. He says that if he really survived the 60 mph hit, then the hammer won't hurt him. Way to use your sudden disability for evil purposes, Clark. Lex says he just wants the truth. "[Sigh...] You're bald," Clark wants to say. But instead he almost cries as he whimpers, "I'm just a guy who tried to do the right thing! Isn't that enough?" Poor Nancy Kerrigan-looking Clark walks off sadly. Lex is left to look on in regret of his rash, yet perfectly correct, assumptions. If this were a different state, they'd be married by now.

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Smallville

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