Smallville
Smallville

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | 669 USERS: B-
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Eight Deadly Sides Of Death

Lex's lair at night. The sexy fireplace is going. He's sitting across from Lana, and they're going over bills from The Talon. Lex asks if something else is going on with her. She plays the denial game. Lex insists that she can tell him anything. Like when she lost her virginity to Lloyd Dobler. Lana turns at the door and decides to spill her guts. She carries her business purse like a four-year-old. She says she wants to believe that someone can change, but that she's starting to lose faith. She starts to cry. "Are we talking about Clark?" Lex asks. Lana tells Lex about the kiss. "He kissed you?" Lex asks in disbelief. "Why, that no-good, two-timing, little farmboy bitch!" he thinks. Lana says it's like Clark ripped off her right boob flap on a corset at the Super Bowl. "Isn't that what you wanted?" Lex asks. Who the hell knows what Lana wants? She's like an emotional garbage disposal. Lana smiles and cries at the same time. This girl is wacko. She says she doesn't know. Lex comes over and sits next to her. He says he's a little jaded in romance, but what he does know is that someone usually winds up getting hurt. Damn. Profound, Lex. Did you get that out of a history book? Lana asks if she can't trust Clark. He says it's not about trust. He quotes the German poet Rilke, who said that a person isn't who he was during your last conversation with him. He is who he's been throughout your whole relationship. All right, that is a little profound. Incidentally, Rainer Rilke's middle name was "Maria." No wonder he was so pessimistic about love. Lex gives Lana an intense stare, and I get a little uncomfortable.

Clark and Bo come back to the barn to find it a mess. Where are those Queer Eye guys when you need them? MamaKent explains about the FBI. She says that the only thing that's missing is the key. Clark goes to the tool box: "I have to get that back!" Bo says it doesn't matter. "How can you say that?" Clark yells at him. Bo says they didn't get what they came for. Dad's got the octagon! Dramatic looks all around. It's all about the octagon, people. Bow down.

Commercials. The Prince & Me. I really wish a hunky Danish prince would come and write the rest of this recap. Now that's love.

Scary Luthor Manor at night. Lex is on the same seat he was when he was talking to Lana, but this time there are two heavyset German gentlemen in Lana's seat. I'm liking zee Germans more at this point. Clark busts into the room just as Lex is busting out his language skills. Lex asks if this can wait. Lex excuses himself, in German. Mein exiten! Clark tells Lex about the FBI invasion. Clark says he thinks Papa Luthor is to blame, and recaps Papa's fixation on Clark and the caves. Lex pours himself a drink. He's back on the sauce. Lex spins and says that even though Papa Luthor's methods are questionable, his reasons usually have a grain of truth to them. Clark says Papa Luthor is obsessed. Obsessed! Lex squeezes Clark's forearm; we even get a close-up of it. He says he's glad Clark told him. In bed. He says it means a lot that Clark trusts him enough to let him help. In bed. Clark asks if there's something Lex isn't telling him. Lex looks away, but just for a second. "And what would that be, Clark?" he asks. You shouldn't have kissed Lana, Clark. Now you've got Lex on the rebound.

Smallville

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