Hi, we're Pete and Chloe. We're off doing something more interesting than appearing in this week's episode. Don't you wish you could see it? Ah well. Maybe next week.
Oh, and we're the cotton industry. It's okay to want cotton. Cotton rocks. And we don't use as much slave labor as we did in the 1800s. Honest.
Stately Luthor Manor. In Lex's office, our bald buddy is holding a copy of the Smallville Ledger. The front-page headline reads, "Scientists return to cave." Lex tells Papa Luthor -- who's pacing around the room -- that he's having a strange sense of déjà vu. You and me both, Lex. He asks why Papa Luthor is having a resurgence of interest in the caves. Papa Luthor rubs his hands together mischievously and sits next to Lex. He says that something remarkable is happening. He asks whether Lex remembers the octagonal hole in the cave. The one suitable for fingering? Lex lies: "I'm sorry, Dad, that's your obsession, not mine." Papa Luthor scoffs the way dads do when you shoot down something they're excited about. Like, "Yes, yes, I know you think you know everything, you little brat, but...." Papa Luthor says he went to the caves and found Clark Kent down there. Lex smiles ruefully. Who hasn't gone down there looking for a little Clark action? Papa: "And the hole was open. He opened it somehow." Again, Lex is not wholly unfamiliar with going down and finding Clark and an open hole. Lex leans forward and says, dryly, "You know, Dad, they say mental illness is hereditary." Ha! Papa Luthor got told. Lex gets up and says he's willing to accept his break with reality. Papa Luthor blah blahs about famous men who were thought crazy in their time. Like Galileo. And Charlie Manson! Visionaries! "Where's the Inquisition when you need one [sic]?" Lex asks. Oh! Rimshot! No cymbal crash: with Lex it's always a rimshot. Papa Luthor enumerates the ways in which Clark and the cave are connected, more for us than for Lex because he has a whole room devoted to the mysteries of Clark. Lex says it's a coincidence, a term Papa Luthor says is used by "fools and liars." We zoom in strangely on Papa Luthor's mouth as he says that they could accomplish so much if they worked together. We pan to a button on Lex's shirt, through some circuitry, and into a cathode-tube-lit van, where feds are listening in on their conversation. Um, guys, you're inside a sealed van. I think you can use real lights. We zoom even further back out and see that the makeshift fed office is disguised as a utility van at a work site by the side of some Vancouver, er, Kansas road. It even says "KansCom." Ah yes. Very convincing.