Smallville
Legacy

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Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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Eight Deadly Sides Of Death

Not to get too personal here, but the day before this episode aired, after I was done stretching and preparing to come out of a long recapping-vacation nap, I get an email from some jackhole named Steve. He read a few recaps and decided to make a blanket statement about the entire site, listing point by point what he found wrong with what we do (starting with the length, the detail we go into, and our refusal to stick to mere reporting): "Attitude -- I admit that my perusal of your site was limited, but I did perceive a pervasive attitude. The attitude is hard to describe...maybe a cross between ennui and schadenfreude powered by hubris would be closest." Got that, kids? Ennui and schadenfreude, powered by hubris. Then, he went all Food Network on me: "In the past, reviewers would use outside references as salt and asides as pepper, then throw in a couple details as a seasoning, relying upon the show/program itself (plot, writing, development, production) for the main course. It seems from the reviews that I have read, even the main course can be subordinated by the spices." I wrote back saying we recappers are all aliens sharing one physical body and living in a 3/2 in Toronto. That seemed to work all right. What I should have said, in keeping with the food theme, was, "Hey, Steve -- suck my oregano."

What's my point with all this Steve stuff? Well, it's that I'm glad you faithful readers get what we do here, because apparently some folks really just don't. That, and you should just let people be when they're on vacation, or else they come back all crabby and pissy. What does that have to do with Smallville? Well, since you asked...

The first new episode in more than a month begins with on Kent Farm, where the aliens do chores and the menfolk tell the cows their troubles. We pan along the farm on a sunny day in the thirty-fourth seasonal climate change of the year. MamaKent, wearing a red coat, calls out, "What are you doing up there?" as the craning camera tracks her from a distance. "Clark should be doing that!" It's Bo, and he's up on the roof, setting something up. Ooh, it's a high-definition over-the-air antenna! All right, Bo! Wait a minute, that's the weirdest looking bi-directional OTA antenna I've ever seen. You're not even gonna pick up Telemundo with that thing. It looks like a weather vane! Hey, with that rooster on it, maybe you will catch Telemundo, and Univision to boot. I kid because I'm Latino. Bo tells MamaKent to quit her worrying. She begs him to be careful. Use a compass! Make sure you can pick up Fox with that thing! Bo says that he and his father built that roof. You know, with Amish slave labor. Bo says he could walk that roof blindfolded. Hey, Bo, watch where you point that cock. Bo places his mounted cock into the hole that holds the pipe. It creaks. Bo should really lube that up. MamaKent reminds Bo of what the doctor said about his taking it easy. Bo says that the doctor doesn't have a farm to run. No...because...he's a doctor, Bo. Try to keep up. (I had a bacteria farm joke in my back pocket, but I was too lazy to get up and dig it out.)

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