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Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Eight Deadly Sides Of Death

Over at the fed van down by the river, Lex is meeting with his law-enforcement buddies. They ask what's up with Papa Luthor's cave obsession. You know, it doesn't really work for your undercover super-secret van operation if you're walking around in plain view with Lex Luthor outside of it and his car parked nearby. Lex says it's just one of his father's eccentricities. "Along with Clark Kent?" one of the feds asks. Hey, that's asking below the belt! Lex says that Clark Kent has nothing to do with his father. The fed who looks like Chris Isaak gone to seed says it didn't sound like that to him. To him it sounds like Papa Luthor has a crush and he wants to be k-i-s-s-i-n-g, oooooh! Craggy Chris Isaak complains that Lex offered them full disclosure but isn't being forthcoming enough. They'd like at least a fifth or sixth-coming. In the van. With some Zepplin playing. Lex says that before he helped them, all they had on Papa Luthor was creative bookkeeping. Lex is giving them illegal cellular research (it WAS the Sprint PCS guy he was talking to!), cloning, and crimes against humanity. "So leave Clark out of this," Lex demands. "Hmm," the agent says. "Hmm" indeed. The fed brings up Lex's own unhealthy fascination with Clark. The guy says that sounds like more than your average kid from "Podunk." Podunk, Vancouver, incidentally. Lex says, sexily, that maybe if he speaks into the microphone, Seedy Chris Isaak will hear it clearer. He leans in. "Clark Kent is nobody," Lex says. The other agent, who has strange platinum-frame glasses, says that Clark is friends with Dr. Virgil Swann. Oops. Lex didn't know that. The feds walk away from Lex's stench of ignorance.

It's Dr. Swann's huge castle of a building. Inside, Swann, in his wheelchair, moseys over to Papa Luthor, who is waiting for him in an open area of the huge interior. Swann says that big corporate types don't usually show up at his door unannounced. Papa Luthor apologizes, but says it's urgent. Swann says he's been wondering how long it would take Papa Luthor to show up. Swann says that Papa Luthor's probably been reading his emails to Clark. He doesn't seem upset about that. Swann says he's a scientist; he finds curiosity to be an admirable trait. Sneaky scientist! Papa Luthor says he's willing to hand over ownership of the caves if Swann can tell him what's written on those infernal walls. Swann says he can't help; the language is a mystery to him. Papa Luthor asks whether Swann knows anything about this octagonal keyhole thingee. Papa brings up Clark and the keyhole opening. Swann jokes that Papa Luthor needs a locksmith. Papa Luthor chuckles and says he used to have the octagon before it was stolen. He blames Clark. Papa Luthor asks Swann to talk to Clark. Papa Luthor smoothly says that it's a small price to pay for the answers Swan is seeking. Swann says he knows what he is after, but he wants to know what Papa Luthor is up to. He answers his own question: "You're dying." Papa asks how Swann knew that. Swann seems to have his own spying game going. Papa Luthor thinks the caves could save his life. Swann says he believes in the extraordinary, but prefers to follow his own path. Ooh, a no! Smack! Papa Luthor excuses himself and starts to go. Swann tells Papa Luthor that he doesn't know what would happen if he used the key on the lock. Papa says he's willing to take that chance. Swann decides that maybe they can do some dirty dealing after all. Dramatic music. Deal with the devil! Commercials!

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