Smallville

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Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
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My Troubles Are Legion

Rokk says that they came to save Clark. Now that it's done, they're heading back. Clark wants to know about the "Axe-wielding psycho." Oh, that. He's a spokesman for Axe Body Spray. Doesn't your wound smell sexy? Rokk says it's against Legion code. "I don't care about your code!" Clark yells. Your code hurts my belly! He also doesn't care about their Legion. Clark says it "Lesion," which has a slightly different meaning. He's mad that he's been attacked twice in one night in the barn. Maybe you should get Barn Attack insurance. Just sayin'. Clark says his best friend is missing and he needs to find her. Rokk and Imra try not to bust out laughing at their own ridiculous names. Rokk explains that the guy with the axe is named "Persuader." He's the most valuable guy on the Legion Debate Team. Rokk says the villain is part of the Human Supremacist Movement. Garth chimes in that those xenophobes would rather die than live in peace with aliens. Nice try, spaceman. We fell for that one back in the '80s with V."They all pretty much hate you," Garth adds. Rokk tells Clark that Persuader stole one of their Legion rings and broke into the Time Institute to come after Clark. It used to be called the AOL Time Warner Institute. Clark asks what a 31st-century terrorist wants with him. Er, yeah, Clark, we don't have "terrorists" in the 31st century. We just call them "assholes."

Rokk tries to figure out how to explain things to Clark without completely ruining his life (or the universe). He says Clark's influence will extend far beyond Earth. Clark's big in Uranus. (Rimshot! No, wait, no rimshot. That's even dirtier.)Rokk says that because of Clark, the world will welcome alien immigrants with open arms. Unfortunately, the aliens have eyestalks for elbows and it gets a little awkward with the hugging. By the way, you can shut up now, Rokk. I think you're damaging the very fabric of the future by the second. Clark blinks. "What do you know about aliens?" he asks, slowing the conversation down considerably. Rokk just smiles. Garth explains that he may look like a dashing human, but he's actually from a hunk of mud called "Winath"; the others are aliens, too. Imra speaks to Clark's mind, telling him that they formed the Legion to help others, the way Clark does. Did. Will do. Hasn't yet done. I'm absolutely sure that Clark isn't able to follow all this. She says they have to say goodbye. Rokk interrupts that by noticing something on the floor. It's some sort of circular, palm-sized blade with some red rock attached. He says it's what remains of the Phantom Zone crystal. Rokk says it was supposed to be used to extract Brainiac from the person being possessed. Imra guesses that Clark wasn't the target of Persuader's mission. He was sent to make sure Brainiac survives. Clark interjects; he says Brainiac has already been destroyed. Rokk, not taking his eyes off the broken crystal, says that Brainiac isn't dead yet. All right, man. You can stop staring now. Even the inanimate crystal is getting creeped out.

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Smallville

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