Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
My Troubles Are Legion

Fortress. Extreme close-up on Clark as he cries, "JARNEEEEEELLLE!" Keep it down, my son, your dad is trying to watch Band of Brothers on Blu-ray. Jeez. No answer. Something whooshes and Clark turns in the complete wrong direction. Nice superhearing. Chloiac is standing behind him. She says Clark's father is gone and all the knowledge from the Fortress now belongs to this Brainiac. Clark frowns. He tells Brainiac to leave Chloe alone. "My hunger's never satisfied," Chloiac responds. Hey, Brainiac, have you ever heard of Whataburger? Because, dude, I can totally help you there. Three Omieburgers and you will go back to whatever's left of Krypton a happy, burping robot. "Knowledge is what fuels me," Chloiac says. Oh. Forget the Whataburger, then. Might I interest you in a printout of the Whataburger menu, instead? Chloiac waddles over to a large block of ice. She puts a hand on it and drains all the light out of the thing. She says that humans suck, but their collective knowledge is rich and tangy. Clark says that Braniac will never be human. I think he knows that. All shifty-eyed, Chloiac says that after she drains the planet of all its knowledge, Doomsday will destroy whatever's left. "Doomsday," Clark repeats. Well, that doesn't sound good. Chloiac shoots him a sultry, mean look. She says it's a simple plan: absorb and destroy. It's what an evil Bounty paper towel would do. Clark grabs Chloiac by the arms and lifts her up, pissed off. He pushes her back against some ice. Clark realizes that Brainiac brought Doomsday to Earth. They both notice some sharp ice spikes behind Chloiac. "Go on," she says. Impale, then live to tell the tale. "Kill me," she whispers. Clark purses his lips in frustration. Stupid, stupid choices! Chloiac knew Clark would never harm her in "this human's skin." That's why Brainiac chose her. She lifts Clark above her head easily and body slams him across the room. He lands on some hard ice. Ow! Chloiac zips away. Clark gets up and looks around. He zips away in a red streak, in pursuit. The camera shifts over to the left and we see shirtless Davis encased in ice, lying in suspended animation. He's a Doomcicle.

Commercials. Wal-Mart sells digital TVs just like the ones at your big electronic stores! Given that Circuit City just went under, that doesn't inspire much confidence.

Streets of Metropolis. It's raining. Garth, Rokk and Imra are walking together looking inconspicuous (that is, if they're pretending they're German tourists). Garth coughs, complaining about the pollution. Rokk says that humans won't replace carbon fuels for another 20 years. Oh, go back to 3011, you goddamned hippies! Imra doesn't care, she just wants to protect the awesome humans who gave Clark his indominatable spirit. And punch them in the mouth. Garth and Imra are from the future, but they don't seem to have perfected undershirts that stay above the jacket line. He says that all they know about Kal-El is from holovids and data files. He wonders if the person they've been looking up to is "more legend than Legion." Don't you know him personally? Why all the whining? Rokk insists that Clark is no fraud. Imra suggests they have to stop Brainiac whether Clark is on-board or not. Garth resets his chins. He says, determined, "We're gonna have to kill Chloe Sullivan ourselves." Also, you should say it loudly and in public so everyone can hear you. Rokk and Garth have a short staring contest, but Rokk loses. For a moment, it was the Gayest Look of the Episode.

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