Commercials. I don't care what you think about Target, but dancing Wheat Thins is fucking brilliant.

In case you're just joining us: asians shoot people in Granville and Lex's kid has got some lungs on him.

Metropolis. "Deck The Halls" is playing. In a very, very dark operating room where even the strung-up Christmas lights look depressing, a surgeon tells his crew that they'll collapse a left lung before performing a thoracotomy. And that's just for fun! The surgeon says, "Merry Christmas, everybody. Now kill the carols. I'm about to perform a miracle." Kick ass! Too bad we won't see any of it.

Bright light. Lex's dream future. Clark answers the door of the Kent home. He's wearing a smart-looking suit. Clark announces that the party can officially begin, because the Luthors have arrived. That's usually how it goes on this show. Lex, in a brown blazer, and Lana, wearing red, are standing there. Clark and Lana give each other a chaste greeting and hug. Lex and Clark give each other a much more affectionate bear hug. Later...later!

There are very shiny decorations up in the Kent home, and everyone is in formalwear. "Lex! Just the man I've been waiting for," says Bo Duke, who appears to have gone through some sort of Martinizing process, hair and glasses included. His hair is slicked back and he's wearing a dark suit. The cows feel lost and betrayed. Bo kisses Lana on the cheek and notes that she's about due. She was about due four months ago. Chloe and MamaKent both come greet the Luthors at the same time, causing a confusing cascade of closed captioning overlap. Chloe takes Lana away to get some punch. Bo Duke wipes his drunk wife's lipstick off Lex's face and drags him away to tell him something. Bo Duke, in his Buddy Holly glasses, tells Lex he shouldn't be showing him this, but that being Senator has its advantages on issues of advance notice. He shows Lex a wrapped gift box with a plaque inside. It's the "Kansas Humanitarian Award," and it's being awarded to Lex Luthor. Lex didn't do anything; it's just an award to recognize the fact that he didn't take over the world and kill everyone. In the comics universe, that's a humanitarian. Bo says heavily that he never thought he'd say this, but that he couldn't be prouder of Lex if he were his own son. His own neat, single, and very urban son. Good God, Bo needs a real son. Lex is stunned. "Mr. Kent...Jonathan," he stumbles. He doesn't know what to say. Bo makes the announcement. He asks everyone to gather around and get a drink. "Come on! Grab a glass!" he bellows. Why, Mr. Senator! You do filibuster so! Bo says that this year's humanitarian award is going to be given to "our very own Lex Luthor." Lana smiles, like, "Yeah, fucking right. I can't even get the guy to make pancakes in the morning. Some humanitarian." "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Lex Luthor!" Bo bellows. Don't spend him all in one place. "The finest man I know!" Bo concludes. Clark is like, "Heeey!" "So fine he's even finer than Professor SoFine. A fine, fine man who I'm sure we'd all like to take right up to the barn loft right now. That's a mighty fine man!" But perhaps Bo digresses. Everyone raises a glass and cheers. Lex is humbled.