Smallville
Lexmas

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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Fa La La La La, La La La Lex

Medical emergency! Lex, on a gurney, is being wheeled into Smallville Medical Center's halls. I guess there's no hospital in Granville. This hospital hasn't even invested in decent lighting yet. All the surgeons say, "I know I could perform this bypass...if I could just see the valves!" There's talk of gunshot wounds, and when they say "abdomen" they lose me with their high-falutin' medical-speak. Our old pal, the stern yet slightly scary Dr. Scanlan, who's frequently shown at this medical center (I think he works here), appears all up in Lex's unconscious grill. He asks if Lex can hear him. "Squeeze my hand if you can hear me," he says loudly. Squeeze something else if you happen to swing that way. Lex is shirtless, but I don't see any blood. The doctor holds Lex's right eye open and shines a light in there. Bright light! Very loud transitional music plays.

We're back with the Vaseline-o-Vision as we see a very beautiful but modest home with lots of Christmas lights and decorations in the front. If you guys knew about the Christmas light wars I'm having in my neighborhood...there are two houses about three properties apart that are engaging in an arms race of yard decorations, adding more components every weekend. There's Peanuts-character cutouts, animated light displays, crazy wire-light trees. It's insane. I think they're going to kill each other. Little Alex (but not P. Keaton) runs out from the porch and Lana -- pregnant but very mobile -- tells the brat to wait for his dad. "Come on!" Alex screams shrilly. Yep, that's it. My manly reproductives have just shut down, perhaps permanently. Bouncy, playful holiday music gooses the scene as Lex, wide-eyed, carries a huge car seat. Lana tells Lex to try to make it back by 6 so that they can try to make it to the Kents' party. "'Try'?" Lana asks Lex to remember they're on a budget this year. Lex, smiling in genuine confusion, asks, "...What? We, we have a budget?" It's awfully cute. Lana tells Lex it's been seven years since Papa Luthor cut off his platinum card: "I think it's time to embrace the middle-class lifestyle." Yes, except that Lex already has his own business and has been off the Luthor family teat for some time. He wouldn't be destitute now if Papa Luthor tried to cut him off. But let's just assume Lex walked away from it all in this dream scenario, and that Papa Luthor found a way to screw him out of his fortune. We'll play along, Smallville.

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