Smallville
Lexmas

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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Fa La La La La, La La La Lex

"Daddy, Daddy, let's go, let's go!" little Alex screams, as he grabs Lex's leg and pulls. My sperm! They are committing suicide, hanging themselves by their own tails! Lex, still in a daze, mumbles, "'Seven years'?" as he tries to jam the gigantasaurus car seat into the ugly, ugly station wagon. Lex finally shoves the thing into the vehicle with a rough push. Lana interrupts him and offers to attach the thing, even though she'll barely be able to fit in the car. Lana giggles as Lex backs up and hits his head on the inside of the station wagon. Lana is definitely on some happy pills. That postpartum depression is going to be a bitch. Lana hopes Lex will figure out the car seat before their little girl arrives. Alex jumps into the car with a roaring "YEAAAHH!" Yep. Sperm all dead. The memorial service will be held at Our Lady of the Barren Recapper church. Instead of holy water, we have lots and lots of wine. The music turns serious as Lana tells Lex she's sorry about the whole budget thing she said. Yeah, she doesn't know what she was thinking, making a joking remark to her husband about their finances. Lana says she knows Lex overspends because he wants the best for them: "That's part of why I love you so much." (Everyone looks really fantastic, I've gotta say. I complain a lot, but this season has at least looked very good, visually speaking.) Lana kisses Lex. He closes his eyes and enjoys it a little. "Have fun," Lana tells Alex, and spirits away. The kid waves his arm like he's having a spasm. Lex smiles at his son. The kid waves again, happily. Lex slowly gets into the ugly station wagon. He adjusts the seat and looks back. The kid chuckles. Lex shivers.

A huge Christmas tree lot seems to be sitting in the middle of Smallville's main street. Lex and Alex are admiring a very tall fir. "Wow!" the kid exclaims. Yeah, a tree. Knock yourself out with the wonder. Lex explains that Lana...er, Alex's mom told him to keep to a budget. Lex stops himself as he sees Clark, and instantly abandons his son to go say hello. How Brokeback Mountain is this? Clark, wearing a rather dapper suit and red scarf, is happy to see his old...buddy? Is that what we'd call it? Chloe is with Clark. Lex tells them he's happy to see the two of them. Alex is like, "Uh...Dad? Should I go with this stranger now? He's got candy...YEAAAAHH!" "Are you a father again?" Chloe asks. Lex has to think about it, but says no, not yet. What's with the QVC hair extensions, Chloe? Alex runs up, having been molested for the last thirty seconds by the grizzled Tree Man (cousin of The Woodsman). "Uncle Clark, Uncle Clark, make me fly!" he cries, "and get me away from the nightmare I just escaped!" Clark says he missed the little guy, and picks him up, twirling him around. Clark tells Lex he's sorry he hasn't been around; things have been crazy at the Planet. This is the first indication we've gotten from the show that Clark will end up there, huh? Chloe tells Lex that Clark has been promoted. Clark says that now he's a full-fledged reporter, while the closed captioning brings him down to Earth by having him say he's "one step closer" to becoming a full-fledged reporter. Chloe says she has big news, too: "My book's being published in January." It's the end of December, so that must mean it's one of those fly-by-night publishers that can turn it around in three weeks. Or forgot to tell Chloe a year before that they would publish it. Chloe says they loved the idea of a LuthorCorp exposé, complete with a tell-all anonymous source. Yeah, a publisher would love a book made up of unconfirmed allegations against a huge company that could sue the ink off them. Rock it, Simon and Shyster. Chloe hugs Lex and thanks him for all his help. "I couldn't have done it without you, Lex," she tells him, very softly and close to his ear. Clark calls Chloe "Miss 'Did I Mention That My Book is About to be Published?,'" and says they're going to get her tree and get out of there. Chloe beams. So it's Chloe's tree, not their tree? "See you tonight," Clark says. As they walk off, Clark puts an arm around Chloe's waist. "DAAAAD!" Alex screams. He points to a giant Christmas tree. "This one's awesome!" he cries. It actually is.

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