Wing Chun: Hey, Omar, the WB just renewed Smallville for a sixth season. Twenty-two more recaps!
Omar: Really? Oh. Huh. How interesting for -- [pushes button on remote control and dives into panic room] -- ha ha! Not even a nuclear missile could get me out!
Wing Chun: You left your remote control out here.
"Stop him!" Deputy Revenge yells. Deputy Sidekick runs and tries to do that, but the metal door is sliding closed. Hilariously, the secure, supposedly massive prop metal door hesitates when she bumps up against it. She bangs it with her hand. Stupid, stupid foam core! Lex's voice is heard through a speaker in the main room.
We cut to Lex inside the panic room (Jodie Foster, what are you doing here?) as the overhead lights come online one by one. Lex tells his houseguests that whatever game they're playing, they just lost. And don't even think about bringing out the Uno deck, because Lex is a master player. You will Draw Four and you will lose. Deputy Revenge says that if Lex is trying the hardwire, good luck. He cut it a half hour ago. Inside the panic room, Lex watches his adversaries on some monitors. Revenge says he also installed a wireless scrambler. "Looks like the game has just started," the deputy says. "What do you want?" Lex asks into his hand-held intercom. Revenge says he'll give Lex a clue. "It's big, metallic and it came from outer space." Clark Kent? Lex feigns ignorance. Revenge spots a weird Troll-doll artifact on the wall with a red light in the center. It's a camera. On the monitor, Revenge says he wants the ship that landed during the meteor shower, or the panic room will be Lex's coffin. He points the gun at the camera and shoots. In the panic room, Lex flinches as the signal is lost. The camera pulls back for an overhead shot. I hope Lex has some Triscuits up in here to snack on because we've got ourselves a standoff.
Opening credits. Commercials. Underworld: Evolution. How is it that the movie is about vampires and werewolves and the most unbelievable thing in it is still Kate Beckinsale's career?