Smallville
Lucy

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Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Lucy Goosey

"What's going on?" Clark asks. Lois asks what he means. Clark cross-examines her about the sudden nice act. "You want something," he surmises. Clark is so amazingly smart and intuitive. He should be on Alias with those keen skills of observation. "No," Lois says unconvincingly, "it's called being nice." "Well if you were any nicer, we'd starve," Clark says, cruelly. Funny, but cruel. "Claaaark," MamaKent purrs. She really did. Lois finally agrees that Clark is right. She starts to explain that she has a favor to ask. As she begins, we hear a door opening. "Hello? Anybody home?" a girl's voice calls. Bitch can't ring a doorbell? The girl, wearing lots of pink (Lana's heir!) comes in, scratching Shelby the dog as she comes and wheeling in a suitcase. Wow. That's a lot of makeup. Lois and Lucy hug. They do look a lot alike. I'm thinking "Before" and "After" some horrible science experiment. Clark seems very interested. Lois says that Lucy was hoping to crash there for a few days. There aren't enough crashing and fires or disaster already? Lucy says she had a sudden unplanned (really?) school break, and that she's willing to sleep in the barn. The barn is for sex and end-of-episode heart-to-heart talks only, young lady. "No, that's okay, Lois can sleep in the barn," Clark offers. Lois shoots him a dirty look. Bo and MamaKent agree to let Lucy stay. They go to "get her things set up," which isn't true because she's staying in Lois's room, which is already set up.

Clark steps forward and announces that Lois has told them "absolutely nothing" about Lucy. Nice. She says there's not much to tell. Lois says she's going to gloat, while Lucy gives Clark the slut-eye. Lois says that her sister is getting straight As at the most prestigious prep school in Europe. Lois says Lucy's fluent in three languages and getting pursued by Ivy League colleges. Do they ski and wear black? Clark is impressed. "What happened to Lois?" Clark asks, snarkily. Lois makes a crack about Clark's senses of humor and fashion. Lucy flirts some more with Clark. He asks for more dirt on Lois, and she punches Clark in the arm, hard. Lucy goes to take a shower. Lois stops her to ask if everything is all right. Lucy says that everything is perfect now that she's there with Lois. Lois looks worried anyway.

The Talon, daytime. Lana and Jason, in their grody workout clothes, have just come back from a jog. Isn't there some other entrance to Lana's apartment that doesn't involve them dragging their sweaty asses right where customers are trying to enjoy their fresh coffee? Jason accuses Lana of cheating on their last stretch. Lana jokes that she didn't think Jason would fall for the "Hey, give me a kiss while we're racing" bit. Why is Jason jogging in a black sweater? Is it dramatic improv jogging? They both rush upstairs into their unlocked apartment and are shocked, shocked to find that someone has dared to break in. Their stuff is scattered everywhere. Jason pushes past Lana to look into the bathroom. No, his stool is still in the toilet. Good. He asks Lana if anything else is missing. She checks her jewelry. It's there. Her wallet is there, too. Jason and Lana suddenly look at each other. "The stone," Lana says, worriedly. Jason checks a small box hidden under a loose piece of tile. It's empty. Oops! Lana rubs her head for bad luck. Jason asks who else could have known it was in the apartment. He points out that nobody saw him take it in China. Lana, freaking out, suggests that maybe Papa Luthor or Lex figured it out. "Or Clark," Jason says. He squints his eyes and points out that there's a side of Clark that Lana says she never knew. She meant the libidinous side. Lana changes her mind all of a sudden. She says she doesn't care about the stones. "I just want to forget they ever existed," she says, contrary to the stone-digging girl she was just last week. Jason says this isn't a bad dream you can blink away. Oh God, how I know that. "This is real life," he says, amusing me by making me remember that Chappelle's Show skit with the Wu-Tang Clan financial advisers: "This is real fuckin' life! Protect your goddamn neck, a'ight?" Jason says they have to find the stone. "No. We don't," Lana says. Finally, a voice of reason! And it's Lana's! Why am I shouting? Lana complains that their relationship has become more about chasing artifacts than about her and Jason. She goes all gooey and reminisces about when their biggest problem was trying to find a place to make out. Jason considers. Yeah, that was nice when they used to make out, he thinks. Jason, sweaty, says that Lana preferred it under the bleachers. Dirty! Lana says they can go back to those days without worrying about artifacts and the Luthors. "And Clark Kent," she adds, as an afterthought. Jason decides that's cool. "Then whoever took the stone can just keep it," he decides. He says they can concentrate on the only thing that really matters. "Us," he says. Chillingly, it is exactly what matters most on this show.

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Smallville

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