Smallville

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: A | 1107 USERS: B
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Para-Lionel Universe

In her Daily Planet office, Tess scans surveillance footage from around the city, looking for signs of Clark. Shouldn't Fun Clark have materialized in Cadmus if he and Bummer Clark switched places? Also, why did he show up wearing much better clothes than Bummer Clark? Tess is so intent on her search that she doesn't look up when the door opens. "I thought I said I didn't want to be disturbed," she says to the intruder. It's Clark. "It's adorable seeing you at my desk, like you own the place." His voice is so silky you could make make lingerie out of it. Tess crosses the room toward him, as annoyed as she is relieved. She's been looking for him all night, she says. He says he likes to make her wait, which is really rude but also kinda sexy. He saunters over to her, invading her personal space. She backs up, caught off guard. He leans in for a kiss. She makes a little sound of surprise and then his mouth is all over hers and she starts kissing him back, either to play along or because hey, a hot guy is kissing her. She slides her hand down his arm. She feels the scar and pulls away from the kiss. "It still bothers you, doesn't it?" he asks. It is sort of gross, yeah. "There's no take backs when it comes to gold K." Clark blames Lex for the scar. Tess, catching on quickly, decides to play her part by giving him a flirty smile and making a snarky comment about Lex's ego.

Clark, thinking that this Tess is his hot sister/lover Tess, gives her the credit for finding the mirror box and bringing them both there. Only when he goes to look out the window does she let the fear show on her face. Clark marvels at how little sign there is of Lionel in this world. "It's refreshing, actually," he says, "being out from under our father's shadow." Tess gapes for a moment, then quickly gets herself under control. She tells him that Lex killed Lionel years ago, which amuses him quite a bit. He makes the Lex of his reality sound sort of incompetent. More incompetent than the Lex we know, even. "I gotta tell ya, Sis, this world is a blast," he says. "Doesn't feel right, though, not having blood on my hands before lunch." Wait till after lunch; that way you don't have to wash your hands twice. [So does he actually need someone to commit a crime to kill them, or are some people just victims of the time of day? - Z] Tess struggles for a split second not to show how disturbed she is. "That's the great thing about us being on our own now," she says. "You can have lunch whenever you want." You can even have brunch. If you're very lucky, the restaurant will have an omelet bar with an array of cheeses. Clark says something sexy about being hungry, but Tess's turn to the good side prevents her from offering him a nibble. She makes some excuse about being watched here. This lack of sexual appetite seems to make him suspicious. He narrows his eyes at her. "Where's the box, Tess?" Heh. Heh. Ahem. Tess must have the fortitude of a saint, because Clark's all sprawled out on the sofa by this point, looking like about eight miles of arms and legs. Woof. He says he wants to destroy the box so that they can't be sent back home. She makes plans to meet him later at the mansion to, you know, bring him her box. This seems to satisfy him somewhat, because he agrees to this plan and gives her a hot, open-mouth stare while he's at it. As he gets up to go, he promises, "This world won't know what hit it."

Smallville

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