Episode Report Card
admin: A | 1 USERS: A-
Para-Lionel Universe

Before he can pull the trigger, Lionel pops up out of nowhere and knocks Oliver out with a lead pipe across the noggin. It's like Clue with superheroes and villains. "You didn't have to hurt him to save me," Clark says. "Save you?" Lionel laughs. "What was the plan, Clark? Murder your father, then, with your whore sister, escape to another world?" He makes their treacherous, incestuous love affair sound so tawdry. Lionel strips out of his jacket and rolls up his sleeves. He says he's been watching Oliver for years. "Oliver never had the mirror box, did he?" Clark asks. "You mean this?" Lionel asks, holding it up. Clark, Tantalus-like, makes a move toward it, but can't reach it. He falls back, panting and sick. "Your betrayal has been staring me in the face for years," Lionel says. Well, maybe you shouldn't have been such a shitty, dictatorial father. "We are long, long overdue for a father-son talk." Clark protests that Lionel isn't his father, but Lionel doesn't take it in the way that Clark means it. To him, it sounds like an adopted son being ungrateful and defiant. Lionel goes on about all he's done for Clark, including letting him kill Lex. Lionel kicks him in the face. Clark spits up blood. Lionel kicks him again, hard enough to send 200 pounds of dead weight sliding across the floor. All those squat thrusts have totally paid off! "I failed you, Clark," he says taking off his belt, "because no true son of mine, no true Luthor would have ever let me live this long!" As the pièce de résistance of this little fight, Lionel takes off his belt and starts brutally whipping Clark with the buckle end. He crows about "survival of the fittest" and looks about ready to kill Clark when the metal iris suddenly opens and sunlight replaces the green K glow. Oliver, just coming to, has pressed the button on the remote. Clark grabs the mirror box and punches Lionel across the room. He goes to check on Oliver. "I know, I know, you're the good one," Oliver says, finally believing him. "Just go the hell home already." Before he goes, he warns Oliver to activate the window again before the other Clark returns. As Lionel rises and charges at Clark, Clark twists the sides of the box into place...

...and, with a flash of light, returns to his own world. Tess is screaming. "Oliver! Do it now!" Clark finds himself in the middle of a destroyed Watchtower, surrounded by Tess, Oliver and Lois. They're all aiming Kryptonite weapons at him. "I'm me!" Clark says. "Lois, please tell them I'm me." She has a small compound bow trained on him. She stares at him for a few seconds, then lowers her weapon. She rushes over and hugs him. It's too bad the two Clarks couldn't share a scene together. On the other hand, it probably would have been like matter and antimatter colliding, except it would have been sexy and antisexy.

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