Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: A | 1 USERS: A-
Para-Lionel Universe

He stands there, watching the empty street, until he hears an alarm blaring. A man darts into an alley, arms laden with boxes. "Those don't belong to you," Clark says. Well, yes, that's why he's stealing them. The man looks up and sees Clark standing on the roof above him. The thief runs, but finds the alley blocked by a fence. Clark whooshes up behind him. The thief damn near bursts into tears. "You stay away from me!" His voice shakes. "Why are you so afraid?" Clark asks. A super-powered alien just caught him stealing Blu-Ray players. Why do you think he's afraid? The thief crumples to his knees, crying, "No one sees Ultraman and lives to tell about it." [Then how did the thief recognize Clark as Ultraman, and not just some guy on a roof? - Z] Clark backs away. "Lionel turned me into a murderer," he says to himself. He turns and faces a U-shield that's been painted onto a brick wall. Clark looks up and up some more and the sky goes from grainy gray... sparkly blue, transitioning us to the more familiar Metropolis. Well, sort of. Things appear to have been spiffed up a bit to contrast the darker universe. The alley is now so clean you could eat off it, if you were so inclined. Even the dumpster is a particularly perky shade of blue. There's a bright red S-shield painted on the brick wall. The "more fun version" of Clark stands in the alleyway, sleeves rolled up to show us the scar on his right forearm. The flesh has been branded with the Luthor medallion seen in the episode's opening shot. Fun Clark smiles. This world's skin-flattering sunlight pleases him.

In her Daily Planet office, Tess scans surveillance footage from around the city, looking for signs of Clark. Shouldn't Fun Clark have materialized in Cadmus if he and Bummer Clark switched places? Also, why did he show up wearing much better clothes than Bummer Clark? Tess is so intent on her search that she doesn't look up when the door opens. "I thought I said I didn't want to be disturbed," she says to the intruder. It's Clark. "It's adorable seeing you at my desk, like you own the place." His voice is so silky you could make make lingerie out of it. Tess crosses the room toward him, as annoyed as she is relieved. She's been looking for him all night, she says. He says he likes to make her wait, which is really rude but also kinda sexy. He saunters over to her, invading her personal space. She backs up, caught off guard. He leans in for a kiss. She makes a little sound of surprise and then his mouth is all over hers and she starts kissing him back, either to play along or because hey, a hot guy is kissing her. She slides her hand down his arm. She feels the scar and pulls away from the kiss. "It still bothers you, doesn't it?" he asks. It is sort of gross, yeah. "There's no take backs when it comes to gold K." Clark blames Lex for the scar. Tess, catching on quickly, decides to play her part by giving him a flirty smile and making a snarky comment about Lex's ego.

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