Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
Metal Of Horror

Hospital hallway. Clark is leaving. Lana asks what's the rush. Lana asks if Clark is upset that Carn-Evil asked her out. No. It's fantastic. He's going to go build a fan site. Lana says that's great, because the last time she checked, she and Clark were just friends. Friends who spend every minute of the day together and act out the epilogue for every episode this season. Friends. Clark moves his head around with ennui, and then says it's really no problem. Good, ya selfish bastid. Clark says he has to go. Lana watches him go, her face full of something like emotion.

Hospital room. Carn-Evil raises his hand and urges a metal cart to come toward him. "Come to me, cart! Bring forth your shelved items! Soothe me with balms and salves! I rule!" It rolls. Carn-Evil is like, "Cool!" Please spare us the web ejaculation scene from Spider-Man.

Kent refrigerator. We get an icebox's-eye view of Clark opening the door and staring balefully at a single slice of cherry pie. Oh yeah. Clark's my cherry pie. Tastes so good make a grown man cry. (And of course, that man is Lex.) Bo walks in the kitchen door and stares at Clark, thinking, "What is that boy doing do that pie? My God!" Bo kisses MamaKent on the head in greeting. MamaKent is arranging some flowers. Bo says there must be something wrong if Clark stuck his head in the fridge and didn't eat the last slice of cherry pie. Hee. I get Twin Peaks warm fuzzies. Clark says it's just Lana. The thought of her turns his stomach to all pies of cherry. Clark says that Carn-Evil asked Lana out, and that Lana said yes so fast it gave Clark whiplash. That statement is wrong for about five different reasons. Bo pulls out his worn copy of Platitudes For Dummies Who Are Also Platitude Experts and says that jealousy is a tough emotion. "Dad, I'm not jealous!" Clark yells. Clark's just embroiled in hormonal miscarriages of relationship anxiety and a dread sense of his own lack of mortality. Or something. Clark says that maybe he's a little jealous, but the dude asked Lana out right in front of him. He's not part of your posse, Clark. Clark can't believe she'd say yes. "Clark," Bo says, rearing back his hand to give Clark the back of it in parental smackdown, "you can't have it both ways." Not unless Lex and a dwarf are involved. Bo says that if Clark won't go out with Lana, she's free to go out with whomever she wants. And when she turns eighteen, she can vote too, and maybe even become a doctor. All kinds of things have changed for women! Clark doesn't like that one bit. MamaKent says he just has to accept it. Clark nods sadly. Thus wisdom has been passed down in a painful and humiliating fashion.

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