Smallville

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Saadomasochism
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Smallville: Clark finally told Lois that he's the Blur and she was pleased as punch; he proposed and she accepted; Oliver came out to the public as Green Arrow; he pined for Chloe when she disappeared herself; Chloe returned and explained that the Fate helmet warned her to stay away; Clark figured out that "the darkness" was marking its "fully taken-over" victims with an Omega symbol on their skulls; Clark was worried that the darkness would infect everyone on the planet if they couldn't stop it; Granny Goodness, Godfrey the radio personality and Desaad were park of Darkseid's "unholy trinity."

Currently on Smallville: It's a mostly sunny day in Metropolis, with fluffy cotton clouds drifting across the sky where normally we see the permanently full moon. Inside the Daily Planet basement, Lois has rigged up a little church diorama, complete with wee altar, minuscule candles and little paper dolls to represent their wedding guests. She's on the phone with Clark while she plots and plans. She totally lies and goes on about how much she doesn't want to be doing this. Clark can tell she's fibbing even over the phone. She arranges itty-bitty bride and groom dolls at the altar. "Tiny Lois has 37 possible guests on her side," she says. "Do you know how many many Tiny Clark has on his?" "Just... Tiny Martha?" he asks sheepishly. Does this sad sack not have any friends besides his own mother? Also, shouldn't they be more concerned with the fact that Lionel Luthor is now their boss and could expose Clark at any moment? Apparently not, because Lois's main concern seems to be that Clark having a bunch of the "super friends" attend the wedding will cause problems with her father and his military cronies. She starts arranging little paper dolls of Green Arrow, Aquaman and Impulse next to Tiny Martha. "It's a recipe for disaster!" she says. "All it takes it one wrong person recognizing the wrong face and... bam!" If her father's friends are as stupidly unobservant as her Planet coworkers who are currently walking by this diorama with nary a clue, then they probably have little to worry about. Aquaman could break into a sexy water dance scene like Flashdance in the vestibule and no one would bat an eye.

Clark assures her that everything will work out. Why would Lois invite any anti-vigilante people anyway? This is dumb. Lois says it's easy for Clark not to worry when he's calling from... "Where the hell are you, anyway?" She hears police sirens from his end of the connection. "Just running some errands," he says. We cut to Clark, wearing his Blur outfit, standing in front of the big, glowing watch face of Big Ben. Lois pegs him for being in England. He feigns innocence, but she tells him she's looking at him online. Clark makes an "oopsie!" face and super-zips all the way from Merrie Olde England to Metropolis as we watch a little red blur whoosh across the globe. He pops into the office, now wearing street clothes. [The fact that he did that in only a few seconds makes his late arrival on the scene of his mother's shooting even more ridiculous. - Zach] When Lois calls him "Smallville," he figures he must be in trouble. "How bad is it?" Lois shows him footage of himself standing on the rooftop of a fairly low building. He's just... standing there while an assembled crowed watches him from the streets below. They say things like "across the pond" and "chap" in Wallace & Gromit voices, so you know they're English. Clark continues to just loaf about on the roof, only partially hidden in shadows. Fool deserves to be outed. Lois then shows him news reports of his heroic gallivanting from all over the world. Apparently, Clark went blurring around Turkey, Argentina and China, the latter of which Lois declines to comment on because she would "just sound racist." As they fret over Clark revealing his identity, the wedding diorama is on full display behind them as coworkers continue to bustle all around. Either they need to realize people are idiots and just relax or they need to stop shooting themselves in the foot and complaining about it.

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Smallville

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