Smallville
Mercy

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Papa Don't Screech

Metropolis buildings at night. In Papa Luthor's office, a scary-looking dude in a suit is doing a scan of the room for any electronic monitoring devices. As soon as I saw this guy the first time, I thought, "He's the evil tinfoil guy," but then I thought that was so obvious as to be silly. "You are ridiculous, silly Omar!" I said to myself. "Have you so little faith in this show?" Well, let's just say that this show has never been afraid to be obvious and silly. Scary Character Actor says that there are no hidden devices in the office. Papa says he hopes that's true, for the security guy's sake; otherwise he'll be working in a convenience store watching hot dogs spin. Heh heh.

The security guy lowers his head and walks out of the room, seething with rage, apparently. Papa throws off his coat and goes to check his laptop and get some water. His computer makes a weird beep. The computer-animated head of Tinfoil Alien appears. Instead of just closing the screen, Papa clicks on it. What, did he think he was going to get some fREe CHeeP V1AgrA? "'Watching hot dogs spin.' That wasn't very nice," Tinfoil Alien says. It is at this point that Papa should have said, "I know it's you, Security Guard. Why don't you come right back into the room?" Papa is horrified, as Tinfoil Alien says that's how Papa treats all his employees. Papa gulps, and tries to think. He turns suddenly. "What do you do, read lips?" he asks. Tinfoil says that he sees everything. And it all looks really blue. The screen goes blank. The electricity starts to power down, turning off most of the lights. Papa reaches under his desk for a handgun he keeps on a little metal rail. Papa, gun in hand, goes hunting around the room. He dials on his cell phone. "911!" says the cheery voice of Tinfoil Alien. He asks Papa how it feels to be helpless. "I'll let you know if it ever happens," Papa tells him. Tinfoil Alien applauds Papa's spirit, and wonders whether it'll keep him alive. Papa says, "So, uh...what do you want?" Tinfoil, wearing a dark hood, suddenly appears behind Papa and plunges a hypodermic needle into his neck. Papa gasps, and falls. "I want to play another game," says Tinfoil, as he blinks behind his stupid mask. Awesome, but keep it under twenty minutes, because we'll need some time to wrap up some other storylines, all right? Cool?

Commercials. I'm not sure which I'd rather eat: the Pedigree dog food, or the Wendy's Frescata sandwich.

Scary music plays. We see a pilot light below a metal surface as the camera moves up, and see Papa Luthor lying on the floor above it. Having just seen Silent Hill, I can tell you that nothing that follows in this episode is as creepy as that, unless you count Papa Luthor's fear and desperation and the idea that nobody figured we'd know this storyline was lifted from Saw. Papa wakes up and finds a big box of matches. He lights one. He moves the flame toward the wall and sees a dead person. He screams, and backs up against another wall, using it to get to his feet. A light comes up. It's a dank room with a giant meat hook at its center. Two video screens illuminate next to two very artsy wall-embedded fans. Tinfoil Alien appears on screen, greeting Papa Luthor. Papa asks where he is. "In a Hell of your own making," Tinfoil tells him. Nice job, Papa Luthor. I love what you've done with the place. Papa looks down. His shoes are gone and he's sadly barefoot. "Who are you?" Papa asks. Shoe thief! Al Bundy! Tinfoil says he's one of the many faceless people Papa Luthor's greed has destroyed. "That narrows it down some, doesn't it?" Papa jokes. Tinfoil speechifies about Papa Luthor's evil nature, and how his minions toil while he profits. "It's called running a business!" Papa retorts. "That's how it WORKS!" Word! Tinfoil leans into the camera and says that Papa Luthor's going to have to get his own hands dirty.

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