Smallville
Metamorphosis

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Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
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House of Buggin'

Bo and Cheekbones keep looking up at the ceiling, while Mama has left the scene entirely. Bo says he's having trouble "getting his head" around this one. 'Bones asks whether it isn't strange that all this stuff happens in the town of Roswe-- er, I mean, "Smallville." Bo says they have their share of tall tales. Now is the time that 'Bones brings up Chloe (remember her?) and her Wall of Weird, the collection of articles about things that have happened since the meteor shower. Cheekbones gets all sad, and blames himself for all the freak occurrences. Bo Duke says just the right thing: that they could better blame Luthor Corp., because who knows what chemicals their fertilizer plants are pumping out? Um, fertilizer, maybe? "Luthor Corp. didn't kill Lana's parents," 'Bones fires back. Bo gets all logical on his son's ass: "Neither did you. You can't blame yourself for something you had no control over." 'Bones still feels responsible. Bo comes over, tousles his son's hair, and commiserates. He lays a bummer on the boy: no matter how many powers 'Bones may have, he'll never be able to change the fact that Lana's parents are now on the menu at the International House of Pancakes in Heaven. The good thing is that since Cheekbones feels remorse, that means he's human. Sorta.

High-school time. In the hallway, Cheekbones finds Chloe and asks her whether Bug Boy is still science reporter for The Torch, which sounds like the campus newspaper. Their high school has a science reporter? I work for a big metro newspaper and we barely have a science reporter. Chloe says, in her obnoxious way, that Bug Boy hasn't been to the newspaper in over a week. So they...what, fire him? From his non-paying job? "What's your interest in Greg?" Chloe asks. "Coming out of the entomology closet?" I swear I did not make that line up. "I'll catch up with you later," Cheekbones says, and starts walking off. "I hate it when you do that," Chloe says suddenly, interrupting his stride. He asks what. Chloe replies, "You shut me out. It's like one minute you're here and then the next, you're gone. You're not outgrowing me as a friend, are you?" Cheekbones says he could never outgrow Chloe except vertically. Aw. What a sweetie. Chloe admits that he's got the Kent Charm working. What, did she date his dad at some point? She smiles at 'Bones like she's got a love message written on her teeth. Then she asks him what he wanted to know about Bug Boy.

Chloe's Wall of Weird. I hate, hate, hate this part of the show. Where, all of a sudden, they're super crime-fighting puzzle solvers. These are people who can't even figure out how to get to the bus on time in the morning. Chloe babbles on about Amazonian rain forests and people who take on the traits of insects. Gee, thanks, Mulder. Cheekbones, meanwhile, has used his super computer skills to figure out that Bug Boy didn't live in Smallville until after the meteor blast. Chloe postulates that, with all the meteor fragments all over town, there could have been bugs exposed that bit Greg and turned him into Bug Boy. I'm starting to suspect that Chloe herself is writing these episode scripts. Chloe has also figured out that it needs to be a swarm of insects attacking to cause the mutation. Chloe also hopes that if Bug Boy "has gone all Kafka," he's not in the mating phase. Nice.

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