Smallville
Metamorphosis

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Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
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House of Buggin'

At the Smallville House of Buggin', Pete (with a camera around his neck, Jimmy Olsen-style), Chloe, and Cheekbones are looking into the home and seeing that it's a mess, which Pete notices is strange because Mama Bug is a neat freak. Exposition Street: After seventh grade, Bug Boy's parents got divorced, and Bug Boy stopped calling 'Bones to come out and play with him. Ah, so supervillainy starts with divorce. We also learn that Cheekbones was afraid of Bug Boy's tree house. "I didn't think it was structurally sound," he whines. Chloe opens up a window, breaking-and-entering style, and they all enter the steamy house.

Inside, Pete and Cheekbones find skin in the bathtub (hate it when that happens), and make the mental connection about the molting. Are these people ever unsure about their crackpot theories? Chloe has found something else in Bug Boy's bedroom: the videotapes of Lana. "I think Greg's found his mate," Chloe says. Chloe, I wish you were dumb so I could hate you even more. Next to a big Papa Roach poster (ha ha, we get it), Cheekbones senses something. He's not Spider-Man, so I'm not sure how it's possible for his Spider-Sense to be tingling, but we'll forgive him. He pulls apart a piece of web and OH GOD! The drained corpse of Mama Bug falls down. Do superheroes have super bladder control? Because if not, I think Cheekbones needs a new pair of tights. Or pants. Whatever. After finding the body, 'Bones takes off in a hurry.

At the horse stables, Lana is feeding her horses. Okay, totally inappropriate joke time, but since this show if full of homosexual subtext, it's not completely out of place. What does a gay horse eat? Answer: Haaaa-aaaaay! Sorry. We now return to your regularly scheduled Roswell-ripoff recap. Jocko sneaks up behind Lana and surprises her. He tells her that when he saw Lana with Clark that one night, he freaked out. "What did you think we were doing?" she asks. He apologizes for being a big lunkhead, and it's excruciating, but at least it got interrupted by Bug Boy, who tells Jocko, "She's mine, now." Jocko moves toward Bug Boy with a "get away from her," but it's tossed aside like so much logic in the Smallville universe. Lana looks scared. "It's time," Bug Boy tells her. "Time for what?" she asks. "For us," he said. The sound of insects chittering rises to a chorus as we head to commercial.

Speaking of insects, don't eat Slim Jims.

Cheekbones finally arrives at the stable, only an eternity too late. He calls out Lana's name, but the only answer he gets is from Jocko, who tells him that Bug Boy's got her. Jocko explains everything to 'Bones -- even the part where he got tossed like a little girly doll. Jocko says that Bug Boy headed off toward the woods. Cheekbones says he knows where Bug Boy was going. Jocko offers to drive. Wait a minute. Two hunky cornfed country boys. One blond. One dark-haired. An offer to rescue a girl by hopping into a car together. Hey, they're trying to pass off The Dukes of Hazzard on us! They head out to Jocko's SUV (how did he get a new car so fast? This town must have the richest car dealership in the world), and Cheekbones tells him how to get to Bug Boy's tree fort. Jocko starts to apologize for the whole gay-bashing/ hazing/ hate crime/ prank thing, but Cheekbones is already gone. Maybe he caught it with his super hearing.

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Smallville

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