Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
House of Buggin'

Most gratuitous T&A advertisement ever for Victoria's Secret. I wonder if they'll keep advertising lingerie on this show once they figure out that there's nothing hetero or T&A about this show whatsoever.

Nighttime flying over Smallville. In hazy moonlight with dreamy music playing, we pass, first-person, over the Luthor fertilizer plant, over rolling farm land, and straight into Lana's bedroom window. Lana's asleep, on her back, in a white nightshirt. So what if I was looking? Clark's big head (his hair looks different and puffier this week) floats into the frame. He smirks goofily. We cut to reveal that he's floating horizontally in the air about three feet above Lana, like some bastard child of David Copperfield. Lana opens her eyes and says, "It's all your fault, Clark." Is she pregnant already? Clark looks surprised. Then we hear, "Clark?" and it's the voice of Clark's Mom. Clark suddenly wakes up; he's floating over his own bed. He falls face down onto his bed and crashes to the foot of the bed, then the head. Mom calls out that Clark's going to be late for the farmer's market. Hey, at least it wasn't a super wet dream.

So they got one thing right on the show: Weezer's "Island in the Sun" plays as we pan over a sunny day at the farmer's market. I don't know what an island has to do with a farming town in Kansas, but I'll take good music where I can get it. We see Clark picking up a sign and hanging it. It reads, "Kent Organic Produce." "Organic"? There's something fruity about Pa Kent, methinks. Super Cheekbones uses his thumb to push a huge nail into a post to tack up the sign. Lana and Jocko Whitney walk along the market arm in arm. Chloe and Pete are there for no good reason, and Chloe snarks, "All hail the homecoming king and queen!" She's wearing a black shirt with a red cross on it. I think it means she's a certified sarcasm donor. Lana walks up to Cheekbones and asks why he wasn't at the dance the night before. Jocko and Cheekbones exchange a look. "I was a little tied up," Cheekbones says, finally. Just then, Bo Duke comes up and fawns over Jocko Whitney. "That was one heck of a game!" he booms. "I haven't seen an offense that good since I played!" Jocko Whitney gets his hand shaken, and thanks Bo Duke, but he's really thinking that if all the stuff on the locker-room wall is true, he's probably going to have to wash his hand thoroughly later. Cheekbones offers to get the rest of the fruit out of the truck. Bo Duke doesn't even notice all the paternal issues he's just raised by lavishing affection on his son's nemesis. Bo Duke offers Lana a piece of fruit. It's organic and tiny.

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