Episode Report Card
Omar G: A | 1 USERS: B+
Flower Power

The lab of Dr. Joe "Hamilton" Morton, bastard scientist we love to hate. He's got a bunch of those weird flowers growing in big glass chambers, as if they're aliens from Independence Day. Lex good-naturedly tells Hamilton that the good doctor hasn't been honest with him. Hamilton says it's all under control. Lex, who has heard the news of Bo's collapse, says that having two men in the hospital with an unknown condition ain't "under control." Word. Lex pulls out a paperback and says he's been doing his own research. Into romance novels? It's actually The Nicodemus Diaries, a tome that tells the sad tale of two hundred settlers dying overnight because of a strange plant. Aw, it's probably just a coincidence. Lex reads from the book, which refers to the bastard flower as a "thief in the temple" that changes people's personalities. Does Prince know about this flower? Love better come quick. Love better come in a hurry. Hamilton dismisses Lex's reading as folklore. Lex leans in against the glass of one of the flowers, mouth hanging open a little. "Pretty," he thinks. Lex moves to lift the cover of the flower and Hamilton stops him. Lex asks why Hamilton brought it back. He says that while the flower's dangerous, some believe it has other applications. You know, like a flower that comes with Quicken or Microsoft Word. Lex is pissed: he only wants to know about meteors. Hamilton says that this is something the meteors can do. Lex says that if Bo Duke dies, Hamilton is going to lose something a lot more valuable than his tenure. Clue: there are two of them and they hang down low when it's hot. Lex tells Hamilton to pack up a flower (awwww) so that he can have his scientists in Metropolis find a cure for Bo. Hey, Lex. You can't cure hick. After Lex leaves, Hamilton puts his finger against the glass. The red/orange flower leans toward the finger, just like in Little Shop of Horrors.

School. Jocko Whitney is at the water fountain. His hair looks all Kansas-boy. No more CuteDean flop to it. He looks up just in time to watch Lana burst through a set of doors to her own music by Nelly Furtado. "I got what you need," Nelly sings as Lana walks along, in a really tight, short black outfit. Her hair is out and her makeup looks halfway normal. In short, Lana has become an über-hottie. And she walks in slow motion, always the sign of an attractive girl on a WB show. Jocko, who for a moment looks like Macaulay Culkin, smiles. As Lana walks, everybody in the hall stops to look at her. What, they don't have any sluts? At a Kansas high school in a town where there's nothing to do? I find that highly suspect. "Wow. What's the occasion?" Jocko asks. Lana does a circle around him as the camera circles the other way. It's sexy, right? The WB wants to make sure it's The Sexy. Circling cameras are very The Sexy. Lana's idea of sexy is to close her eyes as she talks. She puts her hands on Jocko's face and says she wants to blow off class and go make out. Jocko says he can't, and that he's barely keeping up. The one time that Lana is actually interesting, and he's going to blow her off? In the background, Nelly Furtado is speaking in tongues. Jocko says he has to go to the hospital to check on his dad, too. Lana bitches that ever since his dad got sick, Jocko hasn't been any fun. She punctuates this with a finger to his chest. She whispers her dialogue, because The WB told her that whispering is The Sexy. Lana walks off with a The Sexy frown. Jocko chases after her, apologizing. In my brain, I hear En Vogue's "Never Gonna Get It." Jocko pulls Lana back and asks what's wrong. She says she's not keeping her feelings inside anymore. Oh, what, she's going to tell us the deep dark secret of her parents' death that she's been holding inside all season? Jocko says that maybe they need to reconsider this relationship. Lana says that maybe he needs to go refamiliarize himself with the concept of self-love. (Maybe she didn't say that. But I sure did.) Lana dumps Jocko. She walks up. It's The Sexy. She spins and touches some Letterman jocko in the face as she goes. Jocko looks mauled over.

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