Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
Not Very Well-Versed

Graveyard. Lana finds Byron (ba-dump bump) pondering his own gravesite. O, lo, for it we as mortals who find small comfort in our lives upon this salted sea and earth and sky. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, I was reading the back of a suppositories box. Lana -- wearing a strange pink jacket -- calls out to her poetic troubadour. She says she wants to help him. He turns around and has a serious case of Buffy vampire face. He growls that he's not going back to the basement. Why is he wearing no shirt under his long coat? Lana says he could hurt someone. Lana says it was LuthorCorp that caused his condition and that Clark is talking to Lex and trying to find a cure. "There is no cure!" he says, and grabs at Lana. She tells him no, but he says he wants her and tries to tackle her to the ground. She swipes at him. He's suddenly ashamed of himself and says he's been made into someone that no one can love. I sure don't love him. Any of you? No? Yeah, dude. You're kinda fucked. The poet dishes out his own brand of poetic injustice, pushing Lana against a gravestone. They really should put padding on all of them. Lana falls unconscious. It's, what, her tenth concussion? Byron (oh gawd) rails at the sky and runs off, very Frankenstein's monster.

Newspaper. Headline says "Luthorcorp stocks plummet as Metron closure announced." Wait, they're just now closing it? Or is this an old newspaper? Lex tells Clark -- who is standing nearby -- that his dad is leaving him quite a legacy. He warns Clark to tell his Mom what she's getting herself into. Clark says that she can take care of herself, and that she hasn't been this excited in a while. Lex is all sad that his offers to help them financially have been met with a resounding "no," but that Papa Luthor can throw money at MamaKent like she's the last stripper of the night in a rural Kentucky titty bar. Clark reveals that it wasn't a unanimous decision in the Kent household. Clark says that at least Bo Duke isn't upset with Lex this time. Now their love may flourish! Lex says he'll look in to Metron and find where the proverbial bodies are hidden. They hear a helicopter landing, and as Clark looks out a window, they do indeed see a chopper hitting grass. You'd think they'd have an actual landing pad. Lex says he hopes Clark's mom likes helicopters. "My family doesn't fly much," Clark says. You know what does fly on this show? The cheddar.

Outside, Papa Luthor and MamaKent (the latter wearing another business suit) are boarding the copter. "Watch your head," she yells as he fumbles through the door. Inside the helicopter, MamaKent helps Papa with his seatbelt. It's a lot of hand movement and such. MamaKent says she wasn't expecting a trip to Metropolis her first day. Papa chuckles. He tells the pilot, "Bob," to take it away. Bob pulls on the big, thick flight stick. I don't think that shot was an accident. The helicopter starts to take off, but suddenly there's the sound of metal twisting and everything gets shaky. We see the helicopter flailing, just above the ground. Bob had no idea what's going on. Ack! It's that crazy poet! He sticks his head up through the door of the copter. There's a shot from outside of him grabbing the landing gear and just shaking the helicopter. Hilarious.

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