Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
Not Very Well-Versed

Shirtless Byron (guffaw) by candlelight. He's so frowny. Awww. The poor widdle poet. He pulls at a shackle that binds his wrist to the wall.

The Torch. Chloe prints out a death certificate that comes out all fancy with a seal on it and everything. I doubt they have a print-ready, certificate-looking printable database like that, but what do I know? Chloe tells Lana and Clark that their new friend is an unfortunate member of the Dead Poets Society. Chloe says that the certificate was signed by a doctor and everything. Clark says it has to be a fake. Chloe floats the idea that "Goth Boy" may be a ghost. As long as they don't have to channel him through Whoopi Goldberg, I'm fine with that. Lana says that ghosts don't polish off three pieces of cake and two cappuccinos. They do if they're the ghost of Raymond Burr. Clark smiles at that, like it's the most amusing, heartwarming line he's ever heard. Chloe -- who is all about the Chloeavage this week -- says that the doctor who signed the death certificate also presided over medical trials at Metron Pharmaceuticals. Turns out the poet was a participant. Chloe, who gathers her things as she talks, says he was exhibiting anti-social behavior. Lana says he seems so gentle. Chloe asks, all cheesily, if he's stirred the heart of their young Juliet. Right as Clark is walking behind them, Lana says it's nice to meet someone who's honest with his feelings, so she doesn't have to guess what he's thinking. Clark, seriously. I can give you phone numbers. Just cut the cord, man. Lana says they should start looking for Byron (hooboy). He's in the basement! Clark says they should wait for the sheriff. Lana and Chloe make nasty faces that Clark can't see.

Luthor's house of wood textures and stained glass. Papa Luthor, wearing a smart white shirt and tie, is playing the piano. Nicely, too. "Chopin?" Lex asks as he walks in. He says he always thought Papa Luthor thought him too sentimental. Papa says that Chopin sometimes lack subtlety. "Sometimes," he says. He's so in luuuuuurve. Papa says that, judging from Lex's tone, he's angry. Lex is mad that he interviewed more assistant prospects the day before only to find out Papa had already hired MamaKent. Lex asks what his angle is. Papa says that MamaKent "is a very... [he pauses a long time] capable woman." The Magnificent Piano Man says that honesty like hers is hard to come by. So is a naked picture of Sandra Bernhard. Lex thinks Papa Luthor is using her to ingratiate himself to the townspeople. Papa says he hadn't thought of that, but that it's an unexpected benefit. Lex says he wants Papa Luthor to stay away from the Kents. "They mean a lot to me," Lex says. Papa says he wonders what they'd think of Lex meddling in their affairs: "You think they'd welcome you into their family?" Lex says it would be a step up. Papa Luthor chuckles. He talks about Zeus and his adopted son finding a home among mortals. It's supposed to be about Lex, but it's a total Clark Kent allegory. Lex finishes the story of Prometheus, who was chained to a rock and had his liver eaten by vultures. Well, maybe it's more about our gothy Poet. Papa reminds Lex that Prometheus was immortal, and could never leave his place among the Gods. Lex says, wordily, that if Papa Luthor does anything to the Kents, their father-son truce will come to an end. Papa Luthor goes back to his piano playing.

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