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Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
The Big Snooze

Commercials. The Olive Garden. We won't stop feeding you until you're as oily and puffy as these breadsticks.

Smallville Medical Center. We restock our vending machines with Famous Amos cookies twice daily. Lana is on a hospital bed, sitting up, with her right arm in a sling. She winces as she tries to adjust herself. There are flowers next to her. Chloe is standing in the doorway as the camera pans toward her. "Close call," she says unsympathetically. No guards? Lana is glad she doesn't remember much. Chloe closes the door and offers to fill her in on some of the details. She says that somebody didn't want Lana to give over the cigarette case goods, so they killed Brennan and tried to kill Lana. Chloe says Lex would never hurt the love of his life, so who did? Lana doesn't want to tell. She says it's complicated. Chloe says she's a quick learner. Lana says it's Papa Luthor. She says she's been forced to dig into Lex's affairs and turn everything over to Papa. Chloe says that Lana was going to turn over the info to the papers instead. "Why?" she asks. Is Chloe wearing carrot earrings? The hell? Chloe wants to know why Papa would use Lana instead of his own minions. She says he needed someone on the inside who could get close to Lex. Chloe asks if that's why Lana went through with the wedding. She asks why Lana would do that. "To protect Clark," Lana says glumly. Ugh. Here we go again. Chloe says he can take care of himself. "What about his weakness?" Lana asks. Hot bald men? He's on his own with that one. Chloe stops short of revealing what that weakness might be, but she tells Lana that Clark has to know he's in danger. Lana says she can't tell him. She asks Chloe to trust her even though she usually confides in Clark. Lana says that Clark's life may depend on it. Chloe is conflicted.

Daily Planet newsroom. Clark is grousing that he hasn't been able to find any information about Lana's attacker except that the guy is a hired gun. You need the help of a shamus! Or even a Samus. Chloe says that they just hit a dead end. She's lying. Clark is annoyed that Chloe is giving up. She avoids his gaze. Clark figures out that she's holding something back. He can't believe she's lying to him. "I can't believe you didn't hear the deafening irony in that statement!" she fires back. Clark has grabbed her shoulders. He says she must know how much Lana means to him. Yeah, dude. We fucking know. "First, ouch," Chloe says, brushing his hands away. She says that if Clark wants to help, to just stay out of it. Clark says that he'll find the attacker, with or without Chloe's help. Chloe asks how long Clark has kept his secret to protect Lana. He figures from that simple question that Lana might be trying to protect him. Oh, I am so blown away by the parallels. Truly, Smallville, you have reached the storytelling Pantheon (scattered applause). Chloe tries to explain that sometimes people have a really good reason for doing stuff you don't understand. Clark says that it couldn't be Lex because he'd never hurt Lana. Oh, really? Clark realizes it must be Papa Luthor doing the manipulating. Uh-oh.

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