Smallville
Noir

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Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
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The Big Snooze

Chloe starts to walk off, but a big lunk of manliness runs into her. It's Clark Kent, wearing big black-framed glasses and a tie plus suspenders. Nerd! He drops a bunch of little papers and apologizes. Clark stands and sees that Chloe spilled coffee on herself. He says that they haven't even met yet and he's already ruined her blouse. Jimmy watches as Clark makes a big show of dabbing her boobs with a napkin trying to clean her up. I think this is frowned upon even today in the workplace. Chloe just smiles at him and doesn't move to slap. "This is very..." he says. It's all right. Even back then, they knew Clark was a little...not very straight. Chloe just smiles. Clark awkwardly introduces himself. He adjusts his glasses. Chloe says it's quite all right. She gives him a little flirty glance as he goes to a desk and attacks a typewriter with two fingers. Jimmy asks what's up with those glasses. Chloe says it's a special delivery from the mailroom. She asks if she's supposed to answer Jimmy's phone, too. He tries to figure out how to work the old-fashioned phone. "Hello?" he tries, then he settles on a more era-appropriate "Olsen here." A woman with lots of lipstick is on the other end of the line. We only see her mouth as she says, "I hear you're the best." You heard that from Chloe just now? This is a very small city with great acoustics. She says she wants to report a murder. "Whose?" Jimmy asks. "Mine," says the woman, who sounds an awful lot like Lana Lang. The scene closes as the frame shrinks from a big circle to a tiny circle.

Commercials. Aw, I was hoping to see some ads for cigarettes, liquor, and healthy asbestos insulation. No such luck. As I recently told a friend of mine, there's really no good asbestos. Asbestos, for lack of a better word, is bad. They should call it badbestos.

We return to old stock footage of what looks like Times Square (hey, what's a "Sqibb?" Isn't that what they use almost every week when one of the main characters gets shot?). Dramatic gumshoe music plays as we side-wipe to a back alley. An old tank of a car with whitewall tires parks. We see a man in a trench coat and hat (Jimmy) waiting at the other end. A woman's heel appears as it exits the car. The camera stays low as we follow the woman getting out of the car and approaching Jimmy. She walks right through a puddle instead of around the thing. The camera goes up, and we see that it's Lana Lang (now Lana Luthor), wearing a dark skirt past the knees and a giant mink stole that looks like it's going to open its mouth and swallow her. She looks paler than usual but is wearing tons of makeup. Her hair is long and wavy. She apologizes for keeping Mr. Olsen waiting. Jimmy's got on a hat, and that, along with the big coat, makes him look much more broad-shouldered than usual. It looks like a Gerber baby's face pasted onto a giant's body. Jimmy calls her "the untouchable Lana Luthor." Wow, he's heard that Lex isn't getting any, even in this fantasy world. Jimmy says this isn't such a good idea. He says her "old man" owns half of Metropolis, including the building at 1000 Broadway. "Big globe on top," he adds. They print newspapers there. And reporters work in the building. Need more clues? It rhymes with "Maily Fannit." "This talking could lose me my job," he says.

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Smallville

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