Somebody save Chloe! Honestly, I don't care how you do it. Just save, save, Chloe, come on. I made this whole 'cap shine for her.
Kent Farm, as seen on the white letters/red mailbox heart of Americana. In the kitchen, Bo is under the sink, snaking his hose. Or some such plumbing innuendo. Clark walks in and is immediately ambushed by MamaKent, who tells him that the school just called looking for chaperones for the spring formal. Bo would make the perfect chaperone. There's no better cure for teenage sex than a well-timed platitude. They induce flaccidity. MamaKent wonders why Clark didn't mention the formal. He says that he's not a tux and limo kind of guy. He's going to show up in a rented Bigfoot truck with a t-shirt that bears a picture of a tux front. Classy, Clark. Very classy. Clark also whines that he doesn't have a date. Um, hello? Chloe? MamaKent says he needs to ask somebody. "Martha. Stay out of it," says Bo. Is that bitterness I detect, Mr. Duke? Bo asks Clark to grab a pipe for him. And for once, it's not naughty. Clark reaches under the sink and pulls the pipe out easily. MamaKent asks whether Clark is going to ask Chloe to the formal. "She just can't help herself," Bo bellows. This is the kind of thing that's funny the first ten years of marriage but eventually turns into Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Clark says he's not sure. MamaKent reminds Clark about last week's episode, when he said he had feelings for her. "It's not about Chloe," Clark says. It's about the Lex! I knew it! MamaKent brings us back to reality: she says he can't keep baking in hopes that a Lana loaf will pop out of the oven. Clark says that if Lana sees him with someone else, it's like saying the door is closed. "The door is closed, Clark" MamaKent says. Dayamn! Clark got schooled by his own Mom! In his own kitchen! While he was holding his own pipe! That's some cold shit, MamaKent. You just scarred your son for life.
A knock at the door. "Was somebody thinking dirty thoughts about me?" Lex thinks as he suddenly appears. MamaKent invites him in. Lex says he came to see MamaKent and Bo. While MamaKent goes to fetch Bo, Lex tries to engage Clark in conversation, but Clark is in a hurry. Clark flips an apple in his hand (tempting the Devil much?) and heads out, saying he's filling in for Chloe at The Torch. This moment of non-homoeroticism brought to you by Not Ben Gay, the ointment of heterosexuality.