Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | 1 USERS: B

"Jumpin Java Bebop Fridays," the marquee at The Talon reads. They have officially run out of real events to have there. Clark walks in. Pete meets him there, and they walk in like they own the place. Clark asks whether Pete's heard from Chloe. Nope. Pete says she probably got the internship and is out partying with her cousin. Pete does a little party dance to make up for his lack of lines. "Look at me! I can dance, too! Give me a subplot! Somebody! Please!" Pete asks whether he mentioned that he's taking a girl whose last name is "Fox" (subtle, much?) to the spring formal. Clark says he's heard. Pete repeats it, pointing out that she's the hottest girl in their class. If she doesn't suck the fat off your bones, that already puts her pretty high up in the ranks. Pete does an adorable bit where he asks Clark if he wants to know his secret to getting the ladies. "I asked her," Pete proclaims. "You should try it sometime." Pete says that getting up off your butt is the wave of the future. Then I must be in the 1800s right now. Pete says he's gotta go reserve his limo. He reminds Clark that he's taking the "Fox" to the formal by pointing to his own nipples.

Lana walks up and asks if Clark has heard from Chloe. Nope. Clark even tried her dad, but he's in a seminar: "Bit Supporting Players on Overcrowded WB Shows: How You Can Make Your Mark." Clark notices a chalk sign saying that people can buy Spring Formal tickets at The Talon. He says that's a cool idea. Lana asks who Clark is taking. Clark says he's had his eye on someone. Lana says he'd better hurry, because nobody likes to look for a dress at the last minute. Lex, for instance. Clark, wake up. She has. A boyfriend. You really think she's going to go with you? "Not even Chloe," Lana says. Clark asks what makes Lana think he's asking Chloe. He smirks. Lana just laughs and walks off. I thought she was all broken up about the Chloe thing last week. As she's walking off, Lana suddenly has an orgasm. She gasps suddenly. She must use that Herbal Essence shampoo.

Lana has her Christopher Walken moment. She sees, in reddish filter-vision, what looks like a meat locker, only instead of meat hanging, it's stuffed animals in plastic bags. The camera whooshes over, and we see Chloe on the floor, on her knees, a blindfold over her eyes, and the rest of her all tied up. My God, Lana, you really are having sick fantasies about Chloe. Chloe turns around, panicked. We are fixed on Lana's eyes. We zoom forward and see somebody opening a door. It's some dude with a Gimp mask and goggles. Total Jame Gumb rip-off here. A mirror is smashed in the vision. At The Talon, Lana drops her tray of dishes, and they shatter on the floor. Clark goes to Lana. "It happened again," she says, breathing in short bursts. "I saw Chloe. Somebody's got her," Lana says.

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