Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | 1 USERS: B

The Lair of the Gumb. Somebody in some weird uniform suit is welding. "Come on Chloe, come on!" we hear. It's Chloe, and she's trying to tear the duct tape someone used to tie her up. She's scraping it against a metal edge. She's got spunk. And moxie. And true grit. She manages to break the tape and gets herself loose, throwing off her blindfold. She wanders around, amid all the stuffed animals in bags, looking for a way out. She finds a door with a bunch of holes in it. It seems to lead to some kind of stainless-steel Hell. The Evil One manages to sneak up on her, and attacks her, plunging a needle into her, containing weird green liquid that will never be mentioned again. Chloe screams. This girl has been abused more than anybody else on the show in the last few weeks. The villain turns her around and pushes her through the door to the metal room. It looks like an exam table. "Home, sweet home," Jame Gumb Lite says, in a computer-modulated voice. Chloe looks really tired.


Talon. A strange overhead shot follows Señor Sullivan as he walks in with two police officers. He says he called the Sheriff's office. Chloe Sullivan's Dad says he hasn't heard from Chloe all day and is worried. He tried the cousin, but has only gotten her machine. That's something that doesn't make sense: if Chloe is the one kidnapped, wouldn't the cousin be worried that Chloe never arrived? Lana says she had a vision about Chloe being kidnapped. One of the two officers -- we'll call him Bartok the Elder, because I really can't think of another good name -- snarkily says that maybe she should have called the Psychic Friends Network. Fortnoy the Young asks what Lana saw. Lana says she saw Chloe bound in a dark room. Bartok says it's too bad she didn't see something useful, like an address. Clark gives Bartok a dirty look. Suddenly, Daddy Sullivan's phone rings. He answers. Fortnoy asks Lana if she's okay, given the ordeal she went through the day before. Lana takes offense at that and says that her vision seemed real, like she was looking through the kidnapper's eyes. Bartok gives her a little "sure, whatever," look. Fortnoy says they'll look into it. With Dionne Warwick. Papa Sullivan gets off the phone. He says "they" found Chloe's car in the woods. It's been abandoned. Wouldn't the police be the ones who knew that first?

Lexmobile. The silver vehicle pulls into a crap-ass, dilapidated part of Smallville we haven't seen before. An American flag waves defiantly, but I mean, damn, if you can afford a flag, can't you afford a rake or a trash can? Lex gets out of the car and says he's unimpressed. Well, yeah. Nixon steps into a puddle. A guy in a flannel shirt -- who's layering and looks like one of those posters of a guy with his lower lip pulled over his nose -- greets them. He knows who Lex is. Nixon explains that, twelve years ago, the guy had tons of clients. "And then?" Lex asks. "FAA pulled my license," the guy says grimly. He bitterly says that the FAA decided he wasn't right in the head when he wouldn't keep his mouth shut. Lex asks how much the guy charged a day. $600. Lex whips out a wad of bills and peels them off, saying he'd like to hear the guy's story. The guy says he was up in Barker's field dusting fifty acres of "sweet corn." Mmm hmm. The guy, shaking, says that a meteor missed his tail by about ten feet. He saw something go straight down, then swerve before it hit. Maybe it was one of those rock birds -- you know, the ones that look like meteors but have wings? Nixon gives Lex the weirdest sideways smirk ever. Lex says it doesn't sound like a meteor. The guy says he knows aircraft, and this thing had to be a ship. This guy's patchy beard looks like fuzzy white mold. He says he not only saw a ship crash, but when he went to look for it, it was gone. Lex says maybe it burned. "Or was taken," the guy says. Old Moldy says that nobody believes him except Nixon. Nixon -- who has a weird patchy thing on his cheek -- smirks some more. Lex says he's seen the map of the crash site Moldy created. He says it's a good story. Then he leaves. Aw, Lex! The truth is out there, man! Moldy looks at his money and snaps his fingers. Nixon follows Lex. "You brought me a desperate man and a tall tale," Lex says. I think he was disappointed that it wasn't a tall man with some desperate tail. Lex says Nixon's time is up. He gets in his car, leaving Nixon with Old Moldy.

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