Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
Fatal Attrition

Clark leads KentFan down the scary complex. A door is open, and Clark pretends to be scared and that cops have arrived. He leads KentFan to a room. It's entirely red. She sees a can of paint and a brush on the floor. "Lead paint?" she asks. All right, wait just a goddamned minute here. Where did Clark buy lead paint? They don't just sell that shit at Home Depot. In fact, hasn't it been illegal since 1978? So much for logic. Wait, what was I thinking? I'm watching Smallville. KentFan asks if Clark is trying to trap her. If this were Red Shoe Diaries, they'd totally get it on in here and she'd be kinky about the not-being-able-to-teleport. Now that I think of it (and I haven't before, honest), but how cool would teleportation sex be? No more awkward limb-fumbling and tangled sheets! Perhaps I'm reading too much into this scene. KentFan asks if Clark is trying to trap her like her parents did. Maybe he's just trying to kill her with lead-paint cancer. Clark tells KentFan that what she did to her dad was wrong. She counters that Clark just wants her out of the way so that he can be with Lana. God help us, no. Clark tells KentFan she needs help. Maybe she can go to the insane asylum with all of Clark's other buddies. KentFan gets ready to kiss Clark and says she's the one who's right for Clark. Of the ladies, at least. Clark pushes her away. He says the police are on their way. She says that just because she can't teleport out of the room doesn't mean she can't walk out. Ooh, non-teleportation burn. Clark begins to weaken. KentFan pulls out a big hunk of glowing meteor rock from her pocket. Clark falls. Yep, it's just like the fifty other times we've seen it. I'm surprised nobody's started a website on the show telling everyone Clark's weakness. KentFan tells Clark she overheard him telling his parents about his meteor-rock allergy. She hoped not to do this, but Clark "broke the rules first." Clark writhes. KentFan bends down and puts her arms around Clark, cradling him: "Once Lana's out of the way, you'll realize we were meant to be together." I feel the exact same way about the show as a whole. KentFan kisses Clark. Stupidly, he kisses back. He's twitchy. KentFan says they're still meant to be together and are still soulmates. You know, this scene has played out almost exactly like this in my house, only instead of Kryptonite, it's wedding-planning brochures.

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