Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
Fatal Attrition

Papa Luthor hands the class back to "Mr. Simms." The teacher does not say, "They call me Mr. Simms," nor does he reveal a line of bars showing the status of his hunger, bladder, or social needs. Instead, he just asks the group to follow. Papa Luthor tells the teacher lady, "Mrs. Alice," goodbye, and then greets "Miss Sullivan" and "Mr. Kent." He says, "It's nice to see you both looking to the future." Chloe and Clark don't say a word to him. After Papa Luthor exits, Chloe asks if they should break for the fire escape. Clark would be all for it if the field trip didn't count toward their final grade. Grade-grubber! Everybody's waiting for them in the elevator, and nobody seems amused by their nonchalance. Chloe snarks, "Welcome to the Lionel Luthor exhibit; next floor, victims, sycophants, and hatchet men." Chloe is really proud of her vocabulary here. Mrs. Alice -- who clearly has the burning thigh sweats for Papa Luthor -- says she's going to split up their jaded little fan club. She leaves Clark out of the elevator. Chloe gives Clark a tiny wave. Also left behind (was she in the bathroom?) is the blonde cutie. (I'm not even that into blondes, so don't look at me like that. For the purposes of the first third of this episode, she's supposed to be hot. I'm just playing along.) Clark presses the elevator button, and the two of them share an awkward silence as they wait. "Elevators," Clark says for no good reason. "Too much demand, not enough supply." Economics humor! Not even Alan Greenspan would have ever used that as a pick-up line. CuteBlonde purses her lips and gives a little nod. The elevator finally arrives. More awkward looks. Clark pushes a button inside to get this thing called life moving.

The elevator ride. They're on the thirty-ninth floor. Oh, I didn't realize they were way up high in the building. I thought they were in the atrium getting ready to go up. My mistake. I guess I was just confused that Clark would be going down and Lex is nowhere to be seen. A loud buzzing noise comes from the elevator panel. Clark pushes "L." We cut to the elevator shaft, where the elevator car has been let loose. Sparks fly. It's falling! CuteBlonde hits the floor with a whimper. The elevator quickly goes from the thirty-second to the twenty-sixth floor. It's falling fast! Clark sees a round thing near the ceiling that we'll later learn is a security camera. His eyes go red, and he fries it with his eyejaculation. It glows red like a reindeer's nose. And, by now, they would have crashed. But I guess time has slowed. CuteBlonde whimpers again. Clark punches through the side of the elevator car and grabs a huge metal pipe. Clark grips this pipe like he's never gripped such a hard, long pipe before. The pipe smokes and glows red with excitement. Clark tightens his grip. I'm suddenly writing bad fan fiction. Shot of Clark with his arm through the hole. What a dirty little farmer's-daughter joke this has become. More sparks and hot glowing pipe. Grip harder, Clark, harder!

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