Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
Fatal Attrition

Commercials. I don't know about you, but I don't think the water in my house gets cold enough to counteract that last scene. Congrats, Smallville. You finally did something sexy.

Hidalgo: The movie for when you're riding through the desert on a horse with no name.

The morning after. From The Love Below. Where are her panties? Clark goes to the kitchen below, and while he's on the stairs, he hears Bo and MamaKent downstairs discussing Clark's rampaging erection. Bo frets that they have rules in this house -- boundaries, limitations, laws about how the Lord will smite you if you "comb your hair" in the bathroom for too long. MamaKent starts to say something, but Clark comes down the stairs his damn self. "She's gone," Clark tells them, chirpily. If I were him, I'd be pissed. Superpissed, even. "Gee, thanks, Dad. Would you mind holding this for a second? It's my virginity. And boy, is it heavy." MamaKent looks angry. She wanted Clark to be with Lana so he'd never have real hot sex in his life. Bo asks what KentFan did, climbed out the window? "Actually, she teleported out," says Clark. Clark just wishes he'd gotten to beam her up first. Bo says that Clark is going to have to run that by him one more time. What part of "teleport" do you not get, dad? Jeez! Clark says that KentFan was infected by the meteor shower. She can transport herself wherever she wants. "Including boys' bedrooms," MamaKent says, snarkily. She even does the squinting thing with her eyes that you do when you want to be extra-snide. So if she can go anywhere, what's KentFan doing in Smallville? Even Bo thinks it's a bit much for KentFan to show up in Clark's room. Clark says that KentFan saved him from a falling elevator. Bo is mad that she saw Clark use his powers. He asks now much she knows. Clark says she knows about the strength, and, um...the heat vision. Oh, and his johnson. She has definitely gone horseback riding on Clark's johnson. That's a kind of one-eyed heat vision, you might say. Bo says that the next thing Clark will say is that KentFan knows he gets sick around meteor rocks. "No, I didn't tell her that," Clark says, very proud of himself. MamaKent and Bo exchange a "This chick reminds us of that whore Nasty Nell" look. Clark reasons that KentFan didn't have to help him. She could have just let Clark be...well, not crushed to death, but at least very dusty after that elevator crash. Clark says KentFan exposed her own secret to protect Clark's. He says that's why he feels such a connection to her. See, Clark? All you had to do was surrender the pink and see what else is out there. I'm proud of you, Clark. Let's go get a beer! Clark says that his parents don't get it. He and KentFan are a lot alike, says Clark. Uh oh. KentFan is watching the conversation through a door-crack. MamaKent says Clark really seems to like her. "Maybe I do," says Clark. "I think I found someone I could actually have a relationship with." KentFan looks very pleased with that.

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