We suddenly are using a very gray camera filter to look at a chain-link fence with what looks like Russian signage. Dudes stand around with guns, on watch. "Verkhoyansk, Russia," the title card says. I like to do the Safety Verkhoyansk. Oh yes, the Safety Verkhoyansk. Someone roughly sets down a heavy crate on another crate. He's standing in the rain. Who'd be dumb enough to handle what might be weapons or other delicate materials with such disregard? The wet man turns around. It's Clark. Oh. That kind of dumb. Clark is looking pretty raggedy. He's got a scratch on his cheek and is unshaven. Clark sets down another crate like he just doesn't care and breathes heavily. He's wet, but not ready. An older Russian guy with his blonde hair slicked back starts yelling at Clark. "Let me make a phone call!" Clark demands, in English. Hey, asshole -- can you hear me now? Nyet! The Russian says Clark can make a phone call when he's paid back. Clark says he can get the money or whatever else the guy wants if he lets him make a call. Can you get him... to smile? Clark wants to let his people know that he's all right. In a heavy accent, the man suggests Clark send a message by carrier pigeon. Oh, awesome, you got one? Is there one in these crates? How about some paper and a pencil? Do you... oh. You were being sarcastic. Dammit! Clark can't process all this carsasm! Or whatever you call it.
Clark watches a man get out of a giant truck. The driver's-side door is open. The little malnourished hamster on a wheel in Clark's head begins to wheeze as it slowly jogs. Clark thinks about what he's going to do for what feels like 10 minutes. Then he springs into action. He gets in the truck. Messes with a gearshift. Starts driving. A man begins to shoot out the windshield. Clark drives, badly, turning the wheel this way and that. He swerves and hits a bunch of barrels. He also knocks down part of the fence. Thanks a lot, Westerner! We spent all week putting that fence up all neat and straight! The Russian grabs Clark out of the truck, punches him, knees him in the stomach and just starts whaling on him. He tells Clark that if he tries that again, he won't be so nice. He says it while holding a gun, and I think he maybe called our alien "Johnny Appleseed." Huh? He kicks Clark in the face. Clark lies on the rainy ground, a gash on his left temple. Way to go, Clark. That was the exact opposite of The Great Escape.
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